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Making your older kid feel wanted

Often parents make the mistake of neglecting the older kid for the younger kid. Almost any family in the world has this problem. The older kid always feels left out and ‘’old’’. When a younger entrant comes into the family, the attention and affection of the parents automatically go to the younger one.

Later on as the older child becomes an adult, a lot of emotional distance develops. A single-most cause of wavering older children in the family is emotional distance between them and their parents. This emotional distance is started by the parents during the older child’s childhood years.

So how do parents deal with this? How do they make the older child understand that showing more affection toward the younger child does not mean more love towards the younger one?

Treating all children the same

Parity is a technique and an art of gifted parenting. If parents can learn to treat all their children on par, then they have created a well-knit family. They would have also created a family that stays together, and with no sibling rivalry.

Telling the older child how he/she was treated when young

Telling tales of how the older child was petted and handled affectionately when he or she was a child will make the older child understand that petting stops at a certain age. And that is the rule of life. The older child will understand that reconcile to this fact.

Maintaining an emotional bond

Parents need to always be the first one to back the older child, and maintain an emotional link.

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Childhood Phases ? Every Child Has A Unique Pattern Of Growth And Development

WENZHOU, CHINA - NOVEMBER 2: A doctor from th...

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It is very easy to glibly talk about the various phases of childhood. However, as a parent, it is very important to keep in mind that childhood phases should not be treated as watertight boundaries. Your child is not going to get up one fine morning and announce that he or she is moving on to the next phase.

How to find whether your child has moved on or not? The best option is to keep track of the level of obedience of the child. If you find that your child is suddenly making a large number of mistakes and infractions, then perhaps it is time to change the rules because your child has grown up.

It is time to explain why going to bed is important if your child argues against bed time rule. You may have never bothered doing this in the past because scolding your child or yelling at him or her was enough to scare the child into submission.

When you find your old methods not working, you will quickly realize that the child has changed. Many persons are uncomfortable with this trial and error approach. However, don’t expect any book or resource to tell you when your child’s behavior is going to change. Some children may move from the obedient phase to the disobedience phase and then further to the understanding phase very quickly. So much so that you may never realize that a phase has been crossed in between.

The best way to change your behavior is to look for changes in the behavior of your child. As the child grows, these changes would become apparent and clear.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Child, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Medical Malpractice: Helping Your Child Cope

If your child has lost a loved one or had his life significantly altered by a medical malpractice case, it can be difficult to know how to help him grieve. Not only do you have your own grief, but you may experience a level of anger and frustration. Note that if you are feeling those emotions, it is possible that your child is too, and he will need to work through them in order to move on. You can help your child through this by working through it yourself, and by seeking support from another community.

 

While money cannot make up for the loss, a settlement can help ease the financial burden that is now present due to a lost loved one. Many malpractice cases end this way. Not all malpractice cases involve wrongful death, however. For one Los Angeles malpractice case, a child was no longer able to walk. The courts ruled for a settlement that would recompense not only the emotional trauma the child faced, but would also go towards the extra expenses that the family was now faced with due to the child’s disability.

 

While you can seek justice in court, your child will primarily need your love and support to come out of this time of grieving. Support groups can help a suffering family who does not know how to grieve or how to help each other in their grief. If you and your family are in need of extra support during the aftermath of an instance of medical malpractice, finding help in a support group, counseling, or a church could be one of the things that will get you through.

 

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Tips for Helping Your Child Grieve

As a parent, one of the most difficult things you may have to face is how to help your child grieve. Whether it is from the death of a beloved pet, a friend or a family member, children may not be emotionally or mentally equipped to properly grieve. As an adult you know how truly painful that anguish is that your child is feeling. Here are a few tips that can help you assist your child in dealing with this pain.

  • Listen and be prepared to take the appropriate time to answer any and all questions. Through listening, you can help your child comprehend the death better.
  • Talk honestly to your child about death. Don’t make up stories in hopes of alleviating his or her pain. The truth will help your child determine what is real and what is not true. Tips for talking about death and grieving can be found at many online sites as well.
  • Help your child express their deep feelings about the death. In addition, you need to take these feelings seriously to help them cope.
  • Your entire family may be grieving as well, so it is important to make sure that your child is included in the process. Don’t send them away to a friend’s house or to a babysitter, as this will not allow them to properly grieve with other family members. It may also cause feelings of isolation.
  • Finally, give your child plenty of love and affection so they will feel secure when dealing with his or her grief.
Filed Under: Child, Grieving, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Finding the support you need

Becoming a parent is hard work. You think you have everything figured out and are prepared for the big day to arrive, but you soon realize that you could never really prepare yourself. You find yourself having more questions then answers. So, what do you do? How will you figure things out? Finding support shouldn’t have to be that hard. You can read a book, download an application for your phone, or you can visit some very helpful websites.

There are many websites that offer support from professionals and from parents that are going through or have been through the same situations you are. Websites such as www.parenting.com offer articles that you are able to search through for a particular topic. There are categories to browse through as well that range from dealing with babies and toddlers to help getting through your pregnancy.

Other sites allow you to interact with other users and parents. You can ask questions, search for relevant questions that have already been asked, or answer someone else’s question. These sites are key in getting support from other mothers that have gone through the same situations as you. Having a community of other parents that are there to support you can be a vital tool when raising children.

Books can also we a wonderful support tool. A wide range of topics have been published throughout the years. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” helps to outline the entire pregnancy process. However, make sure your don’t forget the advice of your pediatrician.

Filed Under: Child, Family, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

The Underlying Grief That Causes Irritating Behavior in a Child

Pretty much anyone we spend any amount of time with can develop some pretty annoying behaviors.  Children are certainly no exception.  In many cases the child may not even be aware of what he or she is doing.  Often there is some emotional issue that is manifesting itself through these habits.  If there has been a significant loss in the child’s past, then it could be the underlying grief that causes irritating behavior in a child.

After the death of a parent or someone close, children sometimes pick up irritating behaviors such as whining, clinginess, or constantly interrupting others.  To adults it’s just annoying and something that should be easy to fix.  Not so with children.  The threat of punishment will not make the behavior go away.  If the behavior seems to come out the blue, it could be that a significant death from years earlier is still playing out in the child.

If your child picks up some annoying habits, consider that it is grief related.  You might simply need to be more reassuring to the child to let them know that you are not going away.  You can gently point out the problem and ask them to stop. They probably won’t realize their doing it.  You can reward them for kicking that irritating habit.  But mostly, you need to help the child understand the loss and work through it in a healthy way.

If the behavior continues, then a child psychologist may be needed.  If you notice that certain situations make the behavior stop naturally, then try to keep that atmosphere more prevalent in the child’s life.  Does baseball seem to make the child act more normal?  It could be those activities are what feels normal.  As the child grows emotionally, the tic or habit will go away.  But the adults in the child’s life have to assess the irritating behavior and be vigilant in making sure the child feels secure and loved.

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Helping Your Adoptive Child Cope

In recent years the societal stigma usually attached to adopted children has lessened greatly. However, while it may be more commonplace to discuss adoption and adopted children, the pressures and questions that an adopted child has remained the same.

In this day and age, most adopted children are told they were adopted at a fairly early age. This is to accustom them to the fact and to make sure they do not have a sudden jolt later in their life. But even with growing up with the facts, there are many facets that have to be dealt with. Adopted children may feel a sense of abandonment by their birth family and feel they are different from the rest of their family. This can be especially true if they were adopted later in childhood. Many of these children came from abusive homes and have low self-esteem. The first stages of adoption can prove difficult and it is wise for the adoptive parents to be able to cope accordingly. Along with the adoptive parent resources available to them in their community, parents should access websites such as planningfamily.com that can help them deal with the issues at hand. Most of these feelings of abandonment and questions about their family are normal for any child, but more so for adopted children. The most important aspect is to allow your adopted child to discuss the questions they have and to be able to speak openly about them without fear.

Regardless of the adoptive circumstance, at some point in time most adopted children will have questions about their birth circumstances and more specifically their birth parents. Whether this is for health reasons later in life or psychological reasons at any point in their life, questions regarding family history do arise. Just as a natural birth parent, the task for adoptive parents is to maintain an open line of communication and to help their adoptive child cope, regardless of the situation.

Filed Under: Child, Education Tagged With: , ,

Picky Stages

Children are naturally going to go through picky stages throughout the years. They will want to experiment with their ability to control certain aspects of their life, and what they eat seems to be a good place for them to start. It can be frustrating as a parent, but getting through these stages is easily done with some patience and a few tricks.

One thing to remember is that children are not going to starve themselves. So do not feel bad if you are feeding them good, well balanced meals and they only seem to pick at them. During certain points when they aren’t going through a growth spurt, children really may not need as much food as you think, and they are likely eating a big meal at school.

If your child is excluding an entire food group, you may consider supplementing their meals with a vitamin supplement. There are many great products that are developed for children. These come in fruit flavors so they will enjoy them, but have all the nutrients they need for healthy growing.

If you and the rest of your family are picky eaters, then it is likely your children will be picky too. Make sure your children see you eating a variety of food and not referring to certain foods as gross. Trying new foods out can be a great family activity. If you study and learn about the foods you eat it can be educational as well as enriching to their diets.

If you have concerns about your child’s diet, don’t be afraid to talk to their doctor about them. They will be more than willing to help you with getting your child eating a well-balanced diet, and may be able to set your mind at ease if you are having ongoing concerns. In most cases, these picky stages will pass and your child will be back to eating a well-balanced diet soon.

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Preparing Your Child for Divorce

Divorce is painful for all involved, but for a child who simply does not understand why things within the marriage cannot be fixed, it can be devastating. Parents can take steps to make the process go smoothly. Parents need to teach children about divorce. The biggest factor to focus on is how the divorce will affect the child. The task is not easy, but it is necessary to help ensure the emotional well being of the child.

Work to Explain

The first thing parents need to do is to explain what is happening. The likely first question will be, “why?” It is essential to explain to the child that he or she did nothing to cause the divorce to occur. Explain that sometimes parents cannot make decisions together and do not agree on things.

In addition to this, parents need to keep the child busy. Keep the child enrolled at the same school, if possible. Encourage the child to be a part of sports or other activities. Keep life as normal as possible for the child to ensure he is able to maintain some normalcy in his life. This will help the child to overcome some of the difficulties.

Get Help

Managing divorce with your child can be challenging, but help is available. Discuss options with a divorce lawyer. Some divorce lawyers have the ability to provide information to the child and to you for the child. The divorce attorney has experience handling this type of scenario and can help you. Some even specialize in providing aid to children of divorce.

Divorce is difficult, but children can overcome it. Ensure both parents provide the child with the same information. Assure the child he will still have time with both parents, but be realistic. Do not promise more than you can provide. Divorce attorneys can help ensure the child’s well being is a main part of the divorce. The child’s well being focuses on you, too.

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Is Your Child Getting Enough Sleep?

One of the stages that many kids go through is a “not wanting to sleep stage.”  This can occur at many different ages, but is very common among children ages 7 to 10. At this age they are starting to really test the boundaries set by their parents and one way they feel they may be able to have control is over their sleep schedule.

This can be a very trying time for parents and children alike, but there are some easy ways to help get your family through this stage. The most important thing to keep in mind is that it is not as bad as it may seem, and if your child has a few days with less than ideal sleep, they will recover.

The main thing is keeping this from becoming a long lasting problem. You can do this often by not making a big deal out of it. If your child is rebelling and won’t go to sleep, let them stay up. However, don’t let them have fun. The rule in our house is when it’s bedtime you can do whatever you want, but you have to stay in your bed, so no computer, no television, etcetera.

Something to look into also is to see if maybe your child doesn’t need as much sleep as you expect. If this is the case, maybe a later bedtime is in order. Different children have different needs as far as how much sleep they require, so if your child can’t fall asleep at night, but seems to be well rested throughout the day maybe it’s time to push that bedtime back.

No matter what you decide, just remember that this is likely a phase and one that you will get past one way or another. No child will keep themselves from getting enough sleep on an ongoing basis, their bodies will eventually rebel and they will fall into a better sleep pattern.

Filed Under: Adaptation, Child Tagged With: , ,
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