Child | Support Kids

Grief and Bipolar Disorder

To suffer from bipolar disorder can be one of the most difficult situations for the patient and the family. The mood swings, damaged relationships and unexpected disappointments can mount up in a way that causes the person suffering from the disease to be marginalized. When a death occurs, the bipolar individual may have a hard time distinguishing grief from the disease. Maybe there is no distinction, but in young people, grief and bipolar disorder can be disastrous without proper support.

Bipolar disorder will likely not be diagnosed until a child is in the late teenage years. Until that point, behavior problems may have been a frustrating mystery. They may have caused such strife for parents that divorce was the outcome. These kids may feel deeply responsible for the problems in the family. They are self-focused, so even though it isn’t their intention, they may seem ungrateful or selfish. When a death occurs and the bipolar teen is hit with a load of grief, symptoms will escalate to a crisis level.

Make sure that a kid experiencing grief and bipolar disorder is taking his medications regularly. In fact, be the one to administer the medicines to guarantee it’s happening. Keep the child away from drugs and alcohol as much as possible. You can’t be the 24 hour keeper, but you can tighten the boundaries for awhile until things stabilize. Make time to talk with this child, no matter how dramatic, abusive and difficult he may be. Remember that he doesn’t have the same control over his emotions as a normal person.

Never be afraid to seek psychiatric help if the grief and bi polar disorder seem too profound for you to deal with on your own. Whether it’s a psychologist or whether you feel your child would be safest if he was hospitalized, the goal is to keep him safe and healthy while helping him deal with the normal feelings of grief in an abnormal situation.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Bipolar disorder, Child

When Kids Care for a Terminally Ill Parent

There are times when a child will be tasked with taking care of a sick relative. If money is limited, and the sick individual cannot be left alone, the task may fall on older children. The problem is that they are still children. However undesirable it may seem, when kids care for a terminally ill parent, they will need a deeper level of support throughout the illness.

If other family members or the parent’s doctor knows that the illness is terminal, then it is highly advised that hospice be brought in to help care for the parent. This does not mean that the sick person will be removed from the home. In fact, hospice’s goal will be to keep the client at home surrounded by his loved ones.

If hospice determines that the situation is safe, they will not ask the child to stop with caregiving duties. However, they will provide the expert level of support that the young family member will need. The hospice staff will show the child how to do the daily care properly and safely. They’ll make sure the youngster has hospice phone numbers for any emergencies or questions.

The hospice team will also start a pre-bereavement protocol with the child. They will explain the dying process and particular situations as they relate to the parent’s disease. They will continually assess whether the young person can handle the situation. They’ll also monitor the emotional state of the terminally ill parent. If at all possible, they will not leave the child alone during the actual death. Regardless of whether the child is present or not, the hospice will make sure he or she is as prepared as possible.

After the death, the hospice will constantly contact and monitor the young caregiver to support all grief needs. Family members need to praise the child’s good work before and after the death. A teenager taking on adult tasks of this magnitude is extraordinary.

Filed Under: Child Tagged With: Hospice, Terminal illness

When Kids Lose a Classmate

One of the most traumatic things that can happen to a kids is the death of a classmate. Depending on the age group, the type of support will vary when kids lose a classmate. Elementary age children don’t really have a well developed concept of death. Teenagers typically do, but they may have never experienced a death, much less one that affects a classmate.

With all children, make sure there is an open, safe place for them to talk and ask questions. With smaller kids, the questions will be very literal. They may even want the gory details. Their minds are very visual and concrete, so they’ll seek out information that makes sense at their stage of development. With this age group, keep answers brief and simple. They simply cannot process more.

Teenagers will need a different type of support. High schools will often employ extra counselors during a time of traumatic death. Teenagers may feel like they need to be with their classmates all of the time. They will have more spiritual questions. They may talk about nothing but the dead person. Depending on how the child died, the school may want to set up some specific programming to address the subject. Many teenagers die in alcohol related accidents, drug overdoses and suicide. Each of these deaths carries a different stigma that has to be addressed.

Mostly, the children need to know that the death is not their fault, it is not a type of punishment, and whatever they are feeling is natural. Teachers shouldn’t be afraid to let the kids see their grief. Kids need to know that their leaders feel sorrow and therefore truly understand the grief they are feeling. For a day or so, schools may want to offer a time and space for a grief support group where older kids can process the death with each other in a healthy environment.

Filed Under: Age Groups, Child Tagged With: Death, Support group

Building a Memory Box With Grieving Children

There are many great activities that help young children process the death of a loved one, but building a memory box with grieving children can be therapeutic for everyone involved. Grieving children need positive activities that will allow them to express grief and fear in a fun, and therefore, safe way. Memory boxes are good in the moment and a treasure for the future.

If a loved one dies, help your children gather up things that remind them of that person. Maybe it’s a favorite fishing lure or a ribbon or picture. Also help the children pick out things to paste onto their memory box. The box can be anything. A shoe box would work great, but some folks may get elaborate and make wooden boxes. This could be a great activity for a grieving dad or the family craftsman.

Help your children decorate their boxes with stickers, markers, little notes and even pictures of their loved one. Encourage them to explain why they are decorating the box in a certain manner. Share fun memories together as you work. Also, be OK if the child tells you he used red stickers because he likes red. His choices may not always have anything to do with the deceased loved one.

Once the boxes are decorated, help the children fill them with their mementos. They can add little notes and drawings, too. Anything they want to put in the box is fine. Again, encourage discussion about each object. This is a safe and gentle way to dig into the conversation about the death. You can share your memories and grief, too. Make your own memory box, and have your children help you.

Now, put your boxes away for safe keeping, and remind your grieving children that they can open them whenever they are missing the person that has died.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Death, Grief

How to Find the Right Child Psychologist

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There are many situations in life that can be traumatic for children because children are much more sensitive than adults are. This is why, if your child has been though any situation that has dramatically changed his or her life, it’s best for you to seek the help of a qualified child psychologist. Some examples of situations where child psychologists can help include when children have experienced the loss of a parent, friend or relative, been put through a divorce, had to relocate due to a parent’s new job and any other situation that has directly impacted the child. Below are a few tips to help you find the right child psychologist.

The first thing you need to do when searching for a child psychologist is to get a list of all of the area psychologists who specialize in children. You can do this by using services such as Canada 411 and typing in “child psychologist” in the search box. Once you have done this, the next thing you can do is call up your child’s school and ask whether or not they offer any type of child counseling services. Sometimes public schools have very good counselors who can help children just as well as a child psychologist – at a fraction of the cost, and sometimes for free.

After you’ve gotten a comprehensive list of available child psychologists, then you need to schedule appointments with those that you’re interested in. It’s important that you interview these professionals to make sure that you find the one who will be able to help your child. During the interview, you should ask about the techniques they use, will they keep you updated on your child’s progress and will they provide you with ways you can help your child while at home. Finding a child psychologist can be hard, but both you and your child will benefit greatly from it after difficult situations occur.

Filed Under: Child, Socialization Tagged With: Developmental psychology

Cutting and Grief in Teenagers

Cutting is probably one of the most disturbing behaviors found in teenagers. It is typically associated with some deep pathology that no one wants to think about. Like any behavior, it is a learned response to stress. How it comes to be so self-abusive can be due to a variety of reasons. However, a significant loss can certainly trigger self mutilation. Cutting and grief in teenagers may not be common, but it does happen, and understanding why will help counselors and parents stop the behavior.

If a child begins to cut after a death or significant loss, it’s good to acknowledge that there is a massive build up of emotions and unresolved feelings within the child. People are always looking for ways to get that emotional pressure out of their bodies and psyches. For some people, they push it down with food. This is a learned response from childhood when a person was given a cookie to ease some emotional trauma. The behavior was learned.

In the case of cutting, it could be that the overwhelming feeling is guilt. If the teenager was blamed for bad things and then severely punished or emotionally abused, it could be that the cutting and grief become intertwined as the youth attempts to punish the pain out of his or her body.

It’s probably not a good idea to scold a cutter. Start with making sure the teenager knows that the death was not his or her fault, and that he or she is still loved as much as when that person was alive. Their feelings need to be discussed in a manner that makes the teen feel safe and validated. As the young person begins to see his or her own correlation between loss and pain, the cutting should also begin to disappear from the grieving process.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Grief, Grief Loss and Bereavement

Facebook and Grief

Facbook has always had a narcissistic element to it. People love to talk about themselves, what they’ve been up to, the successes in their lives, and even just little posts that will draw comments to their page. Many people use the page as a place to post pictures of themselves, friends and family. It’s ongoing socializing is truly a stroke of genius. Where the fun times are abundant, sometimes a Facebook friend experiences a significant death in their life. In that case, Facebook and grief become tightly entwined.

Facebook immediately becomes the place where friends can reach out and offer words of comfort. For children, it is much easier to express condolences via Facebook than a telephone call. Death is a new concept to young people, and they truly do not know what to talk about, much less handle the pain a friend is experiencing. In fact, depending on the death, it may be somewhat traumatic to the bereaved’s friends, too.

The child who has suffered the loss can upload pictures that represent good memories they had of the deceased person. This can be a very therapeutic part of the grieving process. The notes section of Facebook allows the child to write essays and stories that can be immediately shared with friends.

There is one thing for adults in the grieving child’s life to look out for with Facebook and grief. That is where the death takes on a secondary benefit for the people who are posting. Some kids may feel like the comments they are receiving are inappropriate. For instance, a relative stranger may start to gush about the death and how it makes them feel. That’s what it’s about. How it make that person feel, not supporting the child in grief. A parent may want to gain access to this Facebook account and make sure inappropriate comments are deleted.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Death, Grief

Why Children Suck Their Thumb

It’s cute in infants, but a little strange when a ten year old does it. Thumb sucking is a behavior that probably cause parents more distress than it does harm to the child. At any rate, everyone has looked at a child who does it and wondered why children suck their thumb.

The simplest and most obvious answer for why children suck their thumb is that it is a reflex their born with so that they can successfully breast feed. Some babies start sucking a thumb while still in the womb. At about four months old, the sucking reflex goes away. However, the thumb sucking will likely persist because it’s become a habit and a comfort measure. Children will continue to do it well past toddler times in many cases. In other cases, they just naturally stop sucking their thumb. There’s always a preferred thumb, just like there’s a preferred hand for writing.

Since thumb sucking is a comfort habit, a child may be prone to doing it when he or she feels anxiety or fear. They’ll look for something to soothe them, and the thumb is the most convenient object. If you think this is why your child continues to suck his thumb, you may try to direct him to some other comfort measure to help with fear or anxiety. At any rate, the habit will probably go away by itself by the age of 4 or 5.

Once the child starts school, they’ll probably be self-conscious enough to try not to do it. Some kids don’t seem to care, or that thumb still creeps into the mouth at bedtime. Once again, the child needs to have positive reinforcement to stop the behavior. Most dentists and pediatricians don’t recommend putting hot sauce or bitter ointments on the thumb. If it keeps up, let a dentist talk to your child about the possible long term effects of thumb sucking.

Filed Under: Child Tagged With: Thumb sucking

Don’t Ignore Grieving Teens

When there is a significant death in the family it is important that you don’t ignore grieving teens. This age group may not display signs of stress or sadness the way a younger child will. Teens are notoriously secretive, so parents and significant adults in the child’s life need make sure effort is made to communicate with older adolescents more than usual.

To take preventative measure to guarantee a teenager’s grief is supported, look for teen support groups in your area. A teen may feel more comfortable talking with peers than family members. If none are available, make sure the child is keeping contact with close friends. Give kids credit for being able to support one another. A grieving teen may benefit from getting away from the family grief and expressing emotions within his or her own age group.

Encourage your teenager to journal. Writing down is are a great way to work through tough emotions. At a later date, reviewing those early feelings may help the young person to identify problematic trends in their bereavement process. If your child has an artistic flare, encourage them to create artwork that speaks to their grief. Music is also a powerful tool when dealing with tough emotions.

In some cases, a grieving teen will benefit from professional counseling. If you are aware of any existing issues, such as drug use, it might be a good idea to start counseling anyway as a precautionary measure. If religion is important, make sure clergy is involved. Just make sure that the religious message in no way puts guilt or unreasonable feelings on the grieving teen. It is well understood in the professional world of grief support that messages like, “It’s God’s will” are the wrong thing to say. If the religious message in any way sounds unfair, it can alienate the teen from his or her spirituality when it’s needed most.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Grief, Support group

Bed Wetting and Thumb Sucking Can Re-appear in a Grieving Child

Children are often underestimated in their capacity to grieve. Even though they may be too young to fully comprehend the meaning of death, it doesn’t mean they aren’t going through their own bereavement issues. Sometimes, regressive behaviors like bed wetting and thumb sucking can re-appear in a grieving child.

As the adults in the household work through their own grief, they may not realize how much their children are going through. Furthermore, the children are picking up on the stress and pain in the house. Children may withdraw from friends and family. They may start to perform poorly in school, and they may act out. It’s tempting to demand they stop “acting like a baby,” but kids don’t know how to express this strange set of feelings they’re having. Some major insecurity is probably starting set in. Some kids will even go back to baby like problems.

If your grieving child starts to wet the bed, reassure him that it’s O.K. and that you understand they are sad, lonely and scared. Do not scold the child. This is the last thing a bereaved kid needs. It’s pretty embarrassing when you wet the bed after you’re potty trained. If thumb sucking comes back, give it some real consideration. Kids suck their thumbs in the first place as a security action. If the behavior re-appears, then guess what? Fear and insecurity are setting in.

If you don’t have the emotional strength to truly support your children, ask parents or aunts and uncles who are close to the child to step in and help. The little one really needs love and attention. He needs someone to patiently answer his questions and be honest with him. He needs to know that Mommy is hurting, too. Mostly, he needs to know that he is still loved and he will not be abandoned.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Child, Nocturnal enuresis