Grieving | Support Kids

Activities for the Grieving Process

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If you have a child or children that are going through the grieving process over the death of a loved one, you may be looking for different ways to help them deal with the process. Some children may think that they need to completely forget about the death in order to get over the loss. However, helping your child understand the death will actually help in the long run. You can help your child through the grieving process by engaging them in activities that can assist in helping them understand and move through the process.

Here are some ideas for activities that can help your child. You can also find additional tips at many online sites for more help.

Artwork

Children can visualize their pain by creating art. Have your child draw or paint something that explains their pain. This can be a simple drawing or a complex collage. After finishing the artwork, have your child share the picture and explain what it symbolizes. This will open up a dialog about how your child is feeling.

Sharing Stories

Read stories about loss together. Your child can start to identify with characters who are grieving. This will again start a discussion about grieving because you can have your child explain how he or she feels compared to the story characters.

Music

Have your child choose music or songs and have him or her discuss how it represents the loss. Have him talk about why these songs have meaning to him. Your child should be allowed to make a connection to the music so he will have a connection and understanding of the loss.

Filed Under: Family, Grieving Tagged With: Animal loss, Child, Grief

Tips for Helping Your Child Grieve

As a parent, one of the most difficult things you may have to face is how to help your child grieve. Whether it is from the death of a beloved pet, a friend or a family member, children may not be emotionally or mentally equipped to properly grieve. As an adult you know how truly painful that anguish is that your child is feeling. Here are a few tips that can help you assist your child in dealing with this pain.

Listen and be prepared to take the appropriate time to answer any and all questions. Through listening, you can help your child comprehend the death better.
Talk honestly to your child about death. Don’t make up stories in hopes of alleviating his or her pain. The truth will help your child determine what is real and what is not true. Tips for talking about death and grieving can be found at many online sites as well.
Help your child express their deep feelings about the death. In addition, you need to take these feelings seriously to help them cope.
Your entire family may be grieving as well, so it is important to make sure that your child is included in the process. Don’t send them away to a friend’s house or to a babysitter, as this will not allow them to properly grieve with other family members. It may also cause feelings of isolation.
Finally, give your child plenty of love and affection so they will feel secure when dealing with his or her grief.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving, Parenting Tagged With: Grief, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Support group

The Common Grieving Methods

A person who is grieving the loss of a loved one may be seen in hospitals and in homes. There are many people who grieve the loss of a loved one. Each of the people who grieve may not use the same method of expressing their grief. There are some people who may cry. There are other people who may hurt themselves. There are some who may hurt other people in their time of grief. There are also some people who grieve silently. So, it depends on the method of grief to know if the person will be able to overcome the grief easily.

There are many people who may grieve openly, but get over it very easily. There are other people who may not seem to grieve at all, but these people will be suffering in their heart silently. So, it is very important for the other people around the grieving person to pacify the person and also help the person to overcome the grief. The main method that is used by many people in their grief is crying out loud. There are other people who may cry to themselves. Crying is the simplest method that is used by most people who are grieving.

Some people who are in their grief may hurt themselves. The loss of a loved one will lead to many people attempting and also being successful in a suicide. This needs to be identified and prevented by the people around the person. The mental strength is very important to overcome the phase of grief. The other method that is used by some people is to act out. In this method of grieving, the person who is grieving will try to hurt other people. This is because the person feels that hurting other people will pass the grief on to the others and will help in overcoming grief.

Filed Under: Grieving Tagged With: Grief, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Health

Grief Versus Depression in Children

Although many of the symptoms are the same, grief and depression in children do have some distinguishing differences. If you are unsure of your child’s mental health status, here are a few guidelines to help you determine grief versus depression in children.

Grief
Grief is usually short term in children. Depending on the age of the child, the normal grief process may take a few months to a year for the kid to work through. There will be some stages that are the same as those seen in depression, but they won’t last as long. Children who grieve the loss of a loved one will feel anger, denial, depression, acceptance and a need to bargain to make themselves feel better. They may also revert back to earlier behaviors. Whatever the symptom, it shouldn’t last more than two weeks. Older children should be able to identify the feelings with the death.

Depression
Depression exhibits many of the same symptoms as grief, but they tend to stick around longer. Anger may be a constant, or there may be continual feelings of hopelessness and sadness. The child may withdraw socially for an extended period of time. Nothing may seem to distract or cheer him up. Appetite and sleep patterns can also change. One distinguishing pattern with eating is that grief stricken people tend to lose their appetite, where depressed people may actually resort to over eating.

Dangers of Depression
For the child who is truly suffering from depression, grief may trigger a major episode. In older kids watch out for drug and alcohol abuse and suicidal behavior. If suicide is a concern, watch for withdrawal, flat emotions, increased acting out behavior or sexual behavior, and morbid themes. If there is any suspicion that your child suffers from depression, seek medical help as soon as possible.

Filed Under: Grieving Tagged With: Grief, Mental health

Grief and Bipolar Disorder

To suffer from bipolar disorder can be one of the most difficult situations for the patient and the family. The mood swings, damaged relationships and unexpected disappointments can mount up in a way that causes the person suffering from the disease to be marginalized. When a death occurs, the bipolar individual may have a hard time distinguishing grief from the disease. Maybe there is no distinction, but in young people, grief and bipolar disorder can be disastrous without proper support.

Bipolar disorder will likely not be diagnosed until a child is in the late teenage years. Until that point, behavior problems may have been a frustrating mystery. They may have caused such strife for parents that divorce was the outcome. These kids may feel deeply responsible for the problems in the family. They are self-focused, so even though it isn’t their intention, they may seem ungrateful or selfish. When a death occurs and the bipolar teen is hit with a load of grief, symptoms will escalate to a crisis level.

Make sure that a kid experiencing grief and bipolar disorder is taking his medications regularly. In fact, be the one to administer the medicines to guarantee it’s happening. Keep the child away from drugs and alcohol as much as possible. You can’t be the 24 hour keeper, but you can tighten the boundaries for awhile until things stabilize. Make time to talk with this child, no matter how dramatic, abusive and difficult he may be. Remember that he doesn’t have the same control over his emotions as a normal person.

Never be afraid to seek psychiatric help if the grief and bi polar disorder seem too profound for you to deal with on your own. Whether it’s a psychologist or whether you feel your child would be safest if he was hospitalized, the goal is to keep him safe and healthy while helping him deal with the normal feelings of grief in an abnormal situation.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Bipolar disorder, Child

Building a Memory Box With Grieving Children

There are many great activities that help young children process the death of a loved one, but building a memory box with grieving children can be therapeutic for everyone involved. Grieving children need positive activities that will allow them to express grief and fear in a fun, and therefore, safe way. Memory boxes are good in the moment and a treasure for the future.

If a loved one dies, help your children gather up things that remind them of that person. Maybe it’s a favorite fishing lure or a ribbon or picture. Also help the children pick out things to paste onto their memory box. The box can be anything. A shoe box would work great, but some folks may get elaborate and make wooden boxes. This could be a great activity for a grieving dad or the family craftsman.

Help your children decorate their boxes with stickers, markers, little notes and even pictures of their loved one. Encourage them to explain why they are decorating the box in a certain manner. Share fun memories together as you work. Also, be OK if the child tells you he used red stickers because he likes red. His choices may not always have anything to do with the deceased loved one.

Once the boxes are decorated, help the children fill them with their mementos. They can add little notes and drawings, too. Anything they want to put in the box is fine. Again, encourage discussion about each object. This is a safe and gentle way to dig into the conversation about the death. You can share your memories and grief, too. Make your own memory box, and have your children help you.

Now, put your boxes away for safe keeping, and remind your grieving children that they can open them whenever they are missing the person that has died.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Death, Grief

Preschoolers and Grief

One of the hardest things to deal with when a loved one dies is trying to make a preschooler understand what’s happening. Preschoolers and grief are very different than adults and grief and even adolescents and grief. Here are a few things to understand about children who experience a death.

Many children already have some concept of what it means to die. They see dead bugs, birds and animals on the road. However, to them, dead doesn’t mean that thing won’t get up and walk away at some point. Preschoolers don’t realize that a dead person no longer talks, eats, sleeps or anything else. When we tell a child that Grandpa is in Heaven, then the child visualized Grandpa walking around up there and living his life. That can be disturbing. Therefore, we have to explain what dead is. We have to let the child know that the person’s body will not wake up. It won’t need to eat or sleep anymore.

Some of the things we say to children will frighten them. For preschoolers who are experiencing grief, the well meaning statement that God took Grandpa because he was so good might scare the child into thinking he’ll be next. Children are very literal. Be careful how you explain the situation.

Also, don’t be afraid to grieve around your child. They need to know that grown ups cry, too. They need to know it is OK to be sad. You can be honest with the child, and let him know that you really miss Grandpa, too. Also be prepared for the preschooler to grieve in strange ways. They may play dead. They may revert to baby talk and bed wetting. These are all normal signs of grief for the preschool age group.

Never be afraid to talk to a child about death, even when it’s not happening near the child. The better prepared he is for the possibility, the easier it is for everyone.

Filed Under: Grieving Tagged With: Grief, Preschool education

Expressing Grief Through Overeating

Food is medicine. That’s a common expression in some cultures and households. Someone who isn’t eating isn’t well. There’s this belief that food is the cure all for whatever emotionally ails you. Expressing grief through overeating is quite common, and that’s unfortunate.

Whenever a person dies, food arrives in the home in massive quantities. It’s needed and well meaning. No one who just lost a loved one feels like cooking, and they certainly don’t feel like eating. This goes for children who are grieving. It’s so common for a parent or adult figure in a child’s life to use food to make the kid feel better. Whether it’s a trip out for ice cream or a cookie at home, food is used to solve the problem. In a time of loss, you’ll find yourself encouraging that kid to eat some of that food without even thinking about it.

The problem with this strategy is that it becomes an ingrained behavior. The youth learns that expressing grief through overeating is OK. In fact, food will be the cure for all emotional lows. From a health standpoint, all of that food is neither taking care of the emotional issues that accompany grief, and it’s not helping the physical health of the bereaved. It encourages obesity because it becomes the norm when dealing with tough times.

If you notice that a grieving child is eating too much, try to distract him from all of that food. He may need some distracting activities, such as hanging out with friends, going to movies, or playing games. Maybe a good walk with a quality conversation would help. Of course, talking with the child is the best course of action. Make sure he knows that you are safe to talk to, that you will listen and support his feelings, and that all thoughts and emotions are natural and OK to have.

Filed Under: Grieving Tagged With: Grief

Cutting and Grief in Teenagers

Cutting is probably one of the most disturbing behaviors found in teenagers. It is typically associated with some deep pathology that no one wants to think about. Like any behavior, it is a learned response to stress. How it comes to be so self-abusive can be due to a variety of reasons. However, a significant loss can certainly trigger self mutilation. Cutting and grief in teenagers may not be common, but it does happen, and understanding why will help counselors and parents stop the behavior.

If a child begins to cut after a death or significant loss, it’s good to acknowledge that there is a massive build up of emotions and unresolved feelings within the child. People are always looking for ways to get that emotional pressure out of their bodies and psyches. For some people, they push it down with food. This is a learned response from childhood when a person was given a cookie to ease some emotional trauma. The behavior was learned.

In the case of cutting, it could be that the overwhelming feeling is guilt. If the teenager was blamed for bad things and then severely punished or emotionally abused, it could be that the cutting and grief become intertwined as the youth attempts to punish the pain out of his or her body.

It’s probably not a good idea to scold a cutter. Start with making sure the teenager knows that the death was not his or her fault, and that he or she is still loved as much as when that person was alive. Their feelings need to be discussed in a manner that makes the teen feel safe and validated. As the young person begins to see his or her own correlation between loss and pain, the cutting should also begin to disappear from the grieving process.

Filed Under: Child, Grieving Tagged With: Grief, Grief Loss and Bereavement

Facebook and Grief

Facbook has always had a narcissistic element to it. People love to talk about themselves, what they’ve been up to, the successes in their lives, and even just little posts that will draw comments to their page. Many people use the page as a place to post pictures of themselves, friends and family. It’s ongoing socializing is truly a stroke of genius. Where the fun times are abundant, sometimes a Facebook friend experiences a significant death in their life. In that case, Facebook and grief become tightly entwined.

Facebook immediately becomes the place where friends can reach out and offer words of comfort. For children, it is much easier to express condolences via Facebook than a telephone call. Death is a new concept to young people, and they truly do not know what to talk about, much less handle the pain a friend is experiencing. In fact, depending on the death, it may be somewhat traumatic to the bereaved’s friends, too.

The child who has suffered the loss can upload pictures that represent good memories they had of the deceased person. This can be a very therapeutic part of the grieving process. The notes section of Facebook allows the child to write essays and stories that can be immediately shared with friends.

There is one thing for adults in the grieving child’s life to look out for with Facebook and grief. That is where the death takes on a secondary benefit for the people who are posting. Some kids may feel like the comments they are receiving are inappropriate. For instance, a relative stranger may start to gush about the death and how it makes them feel. That’s what it’s about. How it make that person feel, not supporting the child in grief. A parent may want to gain access to this Facebook account and make sure inappropriate comments are deleted.