Later on as the older child becomes an adult, a lot of emotional distance develops. A single-most cause of wavering older children in the family is emotional distance between them and their parents. This emotional distance is started by the parents during the older child’s childhood years.

So how do parents deal with this? How do they make the older child understand that showing more affection toward the younger child does not mean more love towards the younger one?

Treating all children the same

Parity is a technique and an art of gifted parenting. If parents can learn to treat all their children on par, then they have created a well-knit family. They would have also created a family that stays together, and with no sibling rivalry.

Telling the older child how he/she was treated when young

Telling tales of how the older child was petted and handled affectionately when he or she was a child will make the older child understand that petting stops at a certain age. And that is the rule of life. The older child will understand that reconcile to this fact.

Maintaining an emotional bond

Parents need to always be the first one to back the older child, and maintain an emotional link.

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It is very easy to glibly talk about the various phases of childhood. However, as a parent, it is very important to keep in mind that childhood phases should not be treated as watertight boundaries. Your child is not going to get up one fine morning and announce that he or she is moving on to the next phase.

How to find whether your child has moved on or not? The best option is to keep track of the level of obedience of the child. If you find that your child is suddenly making a large number of mistakes and infractions, then perhaps it is time to change the rules because your child has grown up.

It is time to explain why going to bed is important if your child argues against bed time rule. You may have never bothered doing this in the past because scolding your child or yelling at him or her was enough to scare the child into submission.

When you find your old methods not working, you will quickly realize that the child has changed. Many persons are uncomfortable with this trial and error approach. However, don’t expect any book or resource to tell you when your child’s behavior is going to change. Some children may move from the obedient phase to the disobedience phase and then further to the understanding phase very quickly. So much so that you may never realize that a phase has been crossed in between.

The best way to change your behavior is to look for changes in the behavior of your child. As the child grows, these changes would become apparent and clear.

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If you have a child or children that are going through the grieving process over the death of a loved one, you may be looking for different ways to help them deal with the process. Some children may think that they need to completely forget about the death in order to get over the loss. However, helping your child understand the death will actually help in the long run. You can help your child through the grieving process by engaging them in activities that can assist in helping them understand and move through the process.

Here are some ideas for activities that can help your child. You can also find additional tips at many online sites for more help.

Artwork

Children can visualize their pain by creating art. Have your child draw or paint something that explains their pain. This can be a simple drawing or a complex collage. After finishing the artwork, have your child share the picture and explain what it symbolizes. This will open up a dialog about how your child is feeling.

Sharing Stories

Read stories about loss together. Your child can start to identify with characters who are grieving. This will again start a discussion about grieving because you can have your child explain how he or she feels compared to the story characters.

Music

Have your child choose music or songs and have him or her discuss how it represents the loss. Have him talk about why these songs have meaning to him. Your child should be allowed to make a connection to the music so he will have a connection and understanding of the loss.

While money cannot make up for the loss, a settlement can help ease the financial burden that is now present due to a lost loved one. Many malpractice cases end this way. Not all malpractice cases involve wrongful death, however. For one Los Angeles malpractice case, a child was no longer able to walk. The courts ruled for a settlement that would recompense not only the emotional trauma the child faced, but would also go towards the extra expenses that the family was now faced with due to the child’s disability.

While you can seek justice in court, your child will primarily need your love and support to come out of this time of grieving. Support groups can help a suffering family who does not know how to grieve or how to help each other in their grief. If you and your family are in need of extra support during the aftermath of an instance of medical malpractice, finding help in a support group, counseling, or a church could be one of the things that will get you through.

What would happen if parents combined their childhood memories with a new twist on today’s versions of birthday parties? Many parents might think that taking the birthday child and their friends to historical places for a special birthday treat, would be boring for the children. However, parents can get costumes for kids to dress up in while visiting these historical landmarks.

Children in elementary school learn about the Presidents, the founding fathers, inventors, and astronauts. Choose the places you will visit, and create a theme around it. Kids will have a hands-on learning experience and because children love to dress up, they will not think of it as a school lesson.

For added effect, consider preparing party favorites that go along with the theme of the party, and have a picnic at a nearby park. Look up the history of games played in the past, or create activities coinciding with the theme of the party.

If the weather is not ideal, take the kids to a fast food restaurant. A dozen or so kids dressed up like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, or John Glenn will certainly be eye-catching for other patrons. Then, head back to the house for cake and ice cream, and have everyone talk about what they learned that day.

• Listen and be prepared to take the appropriate time to answer any and all questions. Through listening, you can help your child comprehend the death better.
• Talk honestly to your child about death. Don’t make up stories in hopes of alleviating his or her pain. The truth will help your child determine what is real and what is not true. Tips for talking about death and grieving can be found at many online sites as well.
• Help your child express their deep feelings about the death. In addition, you need to take these feelings seriously to help them cope.
• Your entire family may be grieving as well, so it is important to make sure that your child is included in the process. Don’t send them away to a friend’s house or to a babysitter, as this will not allow them to properly grieve with other family members. It may also cause feelings of isolation.
• Finally, give your child plenty of love and affection so they will feel secure when dealing with his or her grief.

Yorkies as they are referred to are highly sought after as pets due to their quite interesting characteristics. Yorkies are relatively small with an average full growth adult weighting only less than 7 pounds. As a rule, these dogs have high levels of intelligence, a need to cuddle and be loved as well as a lot of energy. This is a mixture of these qualities that makes a lot of dog lovers avid for looking for these energetic and joyful dogs.

You have to know that Yorkies are afraid of larger dogs, strange noises and people. The bark is quite enough to alert anyone of an unwanted presence. As a rule, these dogs do poorly with small kids and this has to be taken into consideration before you make a purchase. The Yorkies have sheepish personality to anything louder and bigger than they actually are. If there are some kids, this could present Yorkie puppies with such mishaps as falls, trips, accidentally being sad on or occasional tight squeeze. It is necessary to mention that none of these scenarios will be taken lightly by your dog and could easily result in trauma to the dog or kid depending on the dog’s reaction. As well you have to remember that Yorkie puppies as well as adult dogs require a lot of attention – frequent brushings, cuddle time and activity. If these are things that do not seem attractive to you, you just could not have enough time to fulfill the needs of your dog.

Yorkshire terriers are quite sought after breed of dog. They are quite popular due to their energy, intelligence as well as their need for comfort. Yorkies will make a great house dog if your environment is proper for the dog.

There are many websites that offer support from professionals and from parents that are going through or have been through the same situations you are. Websites such as www.parenting.com offer articles that you are able to search through for a particular topic. There are categories to browse through as well that range from dealing with babies and toddlers to help getting through your pregnancy.

Other sites allow you to interact with other users and parents. You can ask questions, search for relevant questions that have already been asked, or answer someone else’s question. These sites are key in getting support from other mothers that have gone through the same situations as you. Having a community of other parents that are there to support you can be a vital tool when raising children.

Books can also we a wonderful support tool. A wide range of topics have been published throughout the years. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” helps to outline the entire pregnancy process. However, make sure your don’t forget the advice of your pediatrician.

While you are doing everything you can to keep your family healthy emotionally by implementing plans for emotional support, you do need to think seriously about getting back on track financially. You will need to start the process of rebuilding your credit worthiness. Having a higher credit score will enable you to finance purchases in the future, as well as obtaining a better interest rate on those financed purchases. There are many ways to raise your credit score such as making sure that you pay all your bills on time. If you can, pay more than the minimum amount required. Consider opening a savings account and make regular deposits. Lenders look more favorably on people who have shown the ability to save on a regular basis.

You may be considering a step toward car refinancing in order to lower your monthly payments. Again, you will need to have a higher credit score in order to do this. You should not even attempt to apply for a refinancing scenario until your score is up to a satisfactory level. The higher your credit score, the better your chances are of being able to refinance at a lower interest and payment rate.

Take some time and develop a plan and you will soon be on your way to a better financial picture after bankruptcy.

The different methods of parenting include those like autocratic style, permissive type and also the neglecting type. The last method that has been mentioned is something that needs to be avoided. Any parent who is neglecting the child is asking for trouble. The child will not listen to the parents and instead will cause a lot of problems. The child who is neglected will also be difficult to discipline.

The permissive parenting style is something where the parent allows the child to get away with any mistake. This will cause the child to make more and more mistakes. This will cause a lot of problems as the child grows. So, this kind of parenting style should also be avoided. Instead, the permissive style of parenting should also be used at times, but when the child does make mistakes, the parent needs to control the child by giving adequate punishment.

There are some parents who are autocratic in nature. These are the people who aill cause a lot of ill will in their children because of their dictatorial style of parenting. This can cause the child to be very submissive and may not shine when he grows up.

Though the parents need a lot of support, the kids who are suffering from the disease will also need a lot of support. This will help them to be able to overcome their disease to an extent, at least mentally. The child who suffers from the disease physically will not be able to overcome very easily because of the pain and the discomfort caused by the disease. In spite of these problems, the child will be able to at least cope with the disease to an extent, when the help of the support groups is obtained.

The role of the support groups in the society is very important. These support groups should be present in every city so that the resources that are used in one of the groups can be shared with the people who are suffering in another city. The government and also the nongovernmental organizations should try to set up various support groups.

There are many different kinds of punishments. The common ones include those like spanking, giving time outs and also controlling what the child likes, if the child makes a mistake. There are several other such punishments. This will also help the child to learn all about discipline. Spanking a child may be needed at times, but when the child is spanked, then people may also think that it is child abuse. So, though spanking may be called for, it should not be used regularly.

All of the methods of punishment need to be used by parents when they are trying to help their kids to learn about discipline. Though there are many times when the children are able to learn discipline, there are certain times when the kids are not able to learn what is right and wrong. Parents have to try their best to make the kids to understand right things and wring things through disciplining methods. This will help the child to be a better person and will prevent the child from making major mistakes.

After the death of a parent or someone close, children sometimes pick up irritating behaviors such as whining, clinginess, or constantly interrupting others.  To adults it’s just annoying and something that should be easy to fix.  Not so with children.  The threat of punishment will not make the behavior go away.  If the behavior seems to come out the blue, it could be that a significant death from years earlier is still playing out in the child.

If your child picks up some annoying habits, consider that it is grief related.  You might simply need to be more reassuring to the child to let them know that you are not going away.  You can gently point out the problem and ask them to stop. They probably won’t realize their doing it.  You can reward them for kicking that irritating habit.  But mostly, you need to help the child understand the loss and work through it in a healthy way.

If the behavior continues, then a child psychologist may be needed.  If you notice that certain situations make the behavior stop naturally, then try to keep that atmosphere more prevalent in the child’s life.  Does baseball seem to make the child act more normal?  It could be those activities are what feels normal.  As the child grows emotionally, the tic or habit will go away.  But the adults in the child’s life have to assess the irritating behavior and be vigilant in making sure the child feels secure and loved.

Many of the experts feel that the spanking of a child is something that should not be done. The reason for this is that when the child is spanked, the child may lose the confidence that he or she has. The child may also become very scared. There are many other kids who are not able to take spanking and they also become abusers when they become older. All these are the reasons for the experts to feel that parenting should not invite spanking.

In spite of this argument, there are many kids who need spanking at some time or other. This is because they need to understand some of the right from the wrong. When they are punished in other methods, they may not realize the seriousness of the mistakes that they made. So, there is only a thin line of difference between abuse and also punishing the child with spanking. So parenting needs to be done very carefully and parents need to make sure that the kids are given spanking only for extreme mistakes. At all other times, they should be punished with other methods like giving time outs and also cutting out television programs.

It is important to understand that a grieving teen will have different feeling than you do.  They are not emotionally developed, and in some cases, their brains may not even be neurologically developed to the point where they can really comprehend and process death.  This kind of significant death is probably the first they’ve experienced.  It will seem sudden to them, whether the death was expected or not.

The grieving teen may isolate himself, act out, become very clingy or participate in dangerous behaviors.  You’ll have your hands full as you try to help the kid cope with the loss.  Even so, make sure you are taking care of yourself, too.  You’ve suffered just as great a loss as your teenager.  Make sure you acknowledge that and get support for yourself, too.

You don’t have to go through the bereavement process alone.  Neither does your child.  There are many teen support groups that can help support a teenager among other teenagers.  The counselors will be equipped to address this age group.  There are also counselors who specialize in grief and loss and those who only see teenagers.  Accept the help.

As for yourself, there are plenty of support groups to help you along, too.  Give yourself and your child a break from each other and attend your separate groups and counseling sessions.  Take free time for yourself, and encourage your child to spend time with friends and other family members.  Don’t be afraid to ask family to help you help a grieving teen.

There are many people who may grieve openly, but get over it very easily. There are other people who may not seem to grieve at all, but these people will be suffering in their heart silently. So, it is very important for the other people around the grieving person to pacify the person and also help the person to overcome the grief. The main method that is used by many people in their grief is crying out loud. There are other people who may cry to themselves. Crying is the simplest method that is used by most people who are grieving.

Some people who are in their grief may hurt themselves. The loss of a loved one will lead to many people attempting and also being successful in a suicide. This needs to be identified and prevented by the people around the person. The mental strength is very important to overcome the phase of grief. The other method that is used by some people is to act out. In this method of grieving, the person who is grieving will try to hurt other people. This is because the person feels that hurting other people will pass the grief on to the others and will help in overcoming grief.

The parents who take care of a sick child also need a lot of support. This is all provided by the support groups. There are some support groups that are specifically present for people who grieve the diagnosis of a terminal disease. There are other support groups that are set up for the kids who are suffering from the disease. As there are many support groups, the person who is affected by a disease or the care giver of a person affected by a disease will be able to find solace there. Counseling will also help such people to be able to overcome their grief easily and so many of the support groups have a lot of counselors there.

The support groups will also help the people who are suffering to be able to cope with the disease. Since many of the support groups will have people who have overcome the disease or people who have come to be at peace with their disease, these groups are very helpful for those who are unable to come to terms with the disease that they are suffering from. These are the main reasons for the need for support groups to overcome diseases and associated grief.

In this day and age, most adopted children are told they were adopted at a fairly early age. This is to accustom them to the fact and to make sure they do not have a sudden jolt later in their life. But even with growing up with the facts, there are many facets that have to be dealt with. Adopted children may feel a sense of abandonment by their birth family and feel they are different from the rest of their family. This can be especially true if they were adopted later in childhood. Many of these children came from abusive homes and have low self-esteem. The first stages of adoption can prove difficult and it is wise for the adoptive parents to be able to cope accordingly. Along with the adoptive parent resources available to them in their community, parents should access websites such as planningfamily.com that can help them deal with the issues at hand. Most of these feelings of abandonment and questions about their family are normal for any child, but more so for adopted children. The most important aspect is to allow your adopted child to discuss the questions they have and to be able to speak openly about them without fear.

Regardless of the adoptive circumstance, at some point in time most adopted children will have questions about their birth circumstances and more specifically their birth parents. Whether this is for health reasons later in life or psychological reasons at any point in their life, questions regarding family history do arise. Just as a natural birth parent, the task for adoptive parents is to maintain an open line of communication and to help their adoptive child cope, regardless of the situation.

Your actions will vary depending on your personal religious beliefs, but you may want to share with your child a story about what Heaven is like and how your pet is now there and no longer feeling any pain. There is a poem about “rainbow bridge” which is a great way to discuss the concept of Heaven and pets.

If your child is feeling some long term depression or sadness about the death of a pet, you may consider talking with their school counselor or maybe getting in touch with a therapist that can help your child work through some of their unresolved feelings. Your child may be nervous about talking with someone else about their pet and their feelings, but sometimes a trained professional can help in ways that parents and family don’t know ho.

Eventually your child will start to feel better, and may be ready for a new pet. If this is the case, make sure they know that you aren’t trying to replace your beloved pet, but instead are bringing a new animal into your lives so you can help this pet have a happy life too. Your child may worry they won’t connect with the new pet, just reassure them that they can develop feelings at their own speed and they shouldn’t expect it to feel just like it did with their old pet.

Understanding the Needs of Your Dependents

The purpose of life insurance is to provide for your loved ones in the event that you pass away. If you suffer an accident or are faced with an unexpected and terminal illness, you want to ensure that your family will not be in a financial bind. Just how big of a policy do you need? What financial needs will they have should you pass away?

Your ideal life insurance policy should cover all of the debts left behind, such as your mortgage, car payments, other loans and credit card debts. Beyond this, you’ll want to consider how much your children or your spouse will need to meet basic needs. If your spouse will need to continue working, how much will he or she need to make sure that the children are cared for, either by a babysitter or in an after-school activity? In addition to these costs, you will want to think about the future of your children. How much money will they need to go to college?

Compare Insurance Quote to Your Present Budget

When you have a dollar amount in mind, you will then want to compare insurance quotes to your present budget to determine an affordable premium amount. Life insurance premiums are adjusted based on age, so the price will increase gradually as you age. However, investing in financially protecting your family in the event of an untimely death is one of the more loving steps you can take for your family.

A seven year old is normally going to be in first or second grade. This is a very neat age for school as well. The kids are now able to do some reading and are starting in with more complex math. These children are eager learners and a lot of fun to be around.

Some of the problems that seven year olds face include teasing and friend issues. This is an age where children start noticing differences in each other, and at times these differences get pointed out. Children who are somewhat different than their peers are ripe to be teased.

If you see this going on with your child, whether he is the teaser or the one being teased, you need to step in and see what you can do to nip this in the bud. Many parents hesitate to get involved in situations like this because they do not want their child to seem like a baby. However, in today’s society teasing can turn to bullying and that is when things get messy.

Hopefully these issues don’t affect your children too badly, and if they do maybe you are able to easily solve the problems. But, if they continue you may want to consider getting a therapist or psychologist involved to help your child deal with these issues. A few actions to help end these problems when they are small will help keep them from turning into something major later on down the road when there aren’t simple solutions.

For one thing, you can negotiate your auto loan to make your payments lower than they otherwise would be. While auto refinance loans may not work for everybody (because they do require pretty good credit in order to work), they are certainly worth the effort to make happen. In a surprisingly large number of cases, as a person’s credit history grows over time, they can move into getting lower payments than they had to start with. If you have been able to keep up your payments for a few years, this just might be worth the effort to push forward on.

Another way that you can save some money (and as a bonus, save your home if you are in danger of losing it) is to refinance your mortgage, or at least to attempt to negotiate a lower payment than the one that you have right now. While a lot of people think that you have to refinance (and it is pretty cheap to do so right now, if your credit can handle it), you can actually get a lower rate sometimes if you go in with the solid intention of doing so. Just believe in yourself.

As a mom you have so many responsibilities, your day will be filled with many little chores and jobs. However, you will likely enjoy each and every moment of motherhood, even those which create a little extra work and stress on you.

As a mom, you will have to drive your child to all ends of the earth it seems. Doctors appointments, piano lessons, soccer practice, birthday parties and more will fill your afternoons and weekends. But as a mother you will probably not mind too much.

Everything becomes worth it when your child comes to you and wants to give you a hug, or perhaps tells you they love you. Being a mom is unimaginably wonderful during these times.

While you can never fully turn off being a mom, it is important for every mom to take some time off and be able to relax without having to give their full attention to their family.

If you do not have any “me time” set aside for yourself each week, you owe it to yourself to figure out a way to work this into your life. You may want to join a class, play a sport or just have a girl’s night out with your friends. No matter what it is, it’s important that it is something that makes you happy and able to relax.

Before you know it, your children will grow up before your eyes. Take plenty of time to enjoy every moment you can with your children, and make yourself the best mom that you can be. Your family will thank you and you will be a part of every memory your children and family make. Being a mom is fulfilling and an amazing way to spend your life.

When individuals go through something serious, which can be anything from losing someone close to the normal struggles in life, being supportive becomes extremely important. Indeed we have all felt what sincere and true support can do in even the direst of situations and circumstances.

One of the most dangerous behaviors that can form in these times is one surrounding addiction. It can be difficult to notice in certain circumstances, but as a mother, noticing these behaviors can truly help the person affected. You may even notice this in yourself.

Addictions can come in any form. In order to cope with a situation, individuals can find something to hold onto in these tough times. Indeed many of us are aware of the possibilities surrounding alcohol and other drugs, as these can become dangerous. However there are plenty of things that can extend into addictive behavior, as a person can hold onto some activity or object to the extreme.

It may be difficult to take the next step, but if you notice something you should seek help. A mental health professional can guide you to the right steps, such as consulting with MichaelsHouse.com for a drug-related addiction. Do your best to support and help the person with the habit, even if it is you.

One way to find a support group is by searching on the internet. Check around on message boards related to whatever issue you are facing and you may find a great way to connect with people. Some of the support groups are only online, while others will meet in person.

You may like meeting with a real group in person because you can make friends that will be with you throughout your life this way. There may also be playgroup options for your children if you have a support group that meets in person.

However, groups that meet on the internet have their benefits too. They are preferable for many because they have a support system available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Also, when you look on the internet, you have more opportunities to socialize with people facing your specific problem than being locked into finding someone locally.

If you can’t find a support group out there that meets your needs, you may consider creating one yourself. This can be a great way to network and meet others who are going through what you are. You may be able to reach out and help other parents who don’t even realize that there are others who are in the same position they are.

Support groups are a great thing for everyone involved. If you have not found what you are looking for yet, take the time to check around soon. Your children will benefit greatly by you making connections with other parents of children like themselves.

One thing to remember is that children are not going to starve themselves. So do not feel bad if you are feeding them good, well balanced meals and they only seem to pick at them. During certain points when they aren’t going through a growth spurt, children really may not need as much food as you think, and they are likely eating a big meal at school.

If your child is excluding an entire food group, you may consider supplementing their meals with a vitamin supplement. There are many great products that are developed for children. These come in fruit flavors so they will enjoy them, but have all the nutrients they need for healthy growing.

If you and the rest of your family are picky eaters, then it is likely your children will be picky too. Make sure your children see you eating a variety of food and not referring to certain foods as gross. Trying new foods out can be a great family activity. If you study and learn about the foods you eat it can be educational as well as enriching to their diets.

If you have concerns about your child’s diet, don’t be afraid to talk to their doctor about them. They will be more than willing to help you with getting your child eating a well-balanced diet, and may be able to set your mind at ease if you are having ongoing concerns. In most cases, these picky stages will pass and your child will be back to eating a well-balanced diet soon.

Work to Explain

The first thing parents need to do is to explain what is happening. The likely first question will be, “why?” It is essential to explain to the child that he or she did nothing to cause the divorce to occur. Explain that sometimes parents cannot make decisions together and do not agree on things.

In addition to this, parents need to keep the child busy. Keep the child enrolled at the same school, if possible. Encourage the child to be a part of sports or other activities. Keep life as normal as possible for the child to ensure he is able to maintain some normalcy in his life. This will help the child to overcome some of the difficulties.

Get Help

Managing divorce with your child can be challenging, but help is available. Discuss options with a divorce lawyer. Some divorce lawyers have the ability to provide information to the child and to you for the child. The divorce attorney has experience handling this type of scenario and can help you. Some even specialize in providing aid to children of divorce.

Divorce is difficult, but children can overcome it. Ensure both parents provide the child with the same information. Assure the child he will still have time with both parents, but be realistic. Do not promise more than you can provide. Divorce attorneys can help ensure the child’s well being is a main part of the divorce. The child’s well being focuses on you, too.

This can be a very trying time for parents and children alike, but there are some easy ways to help get your family through this stage. The most important thing to keep in mind is that it is not as bad as it may seem, and if your child has a few days with less than ideal sleep, they will recover.

The main thing is keeping this from becoming a long lasting problem. You can do this often by not making a big deal out of it. If your child is rebelling and won’t go to sleep, let them stay up. However, don’t let them have fun. The rule in our house is when it’s bedtime you can do whatever you want, but you have to stay in your bed, so no computer, no television, etcetera.

Something to look into also is to see if maybe your child doesn’t need as much sleep as you expect. If this is the case, maybe a later bedtime is in order. Different children have different needs as far as how much sleep they require, so if your child can’t fall asleep at night, but seems to be well rested throughout the day maybe it’s time to push that bedtime back.

No matter what you decide, just remember that this is likely a phase and one that you will get past one way or another. No child will keep themselves from getting enough sleep on an ongoing basis, their bodies will eventually rebel and they will fall into a better sleep pattern.

Grief
Grief is usually short term in children.  Depending on the age of the child, the normal grief process may take a few months to a year for the kid to work through.  There will be some stages that are the same as those seen in depression, but they won’t last as long.  Children who grieve the loss of a loved one will feel anger, denial, depression, acceptance and a need to bargain to make themselves feel better.  They may also revert back to earlier behaviors.  Whatever the symptom, it shouldn’t last more than two weeks.  Older children should be able to identify the feelings with the death.

Depression
Depression exhibits many of the same symptoms as grief, but they tend to stick around longer.  Anger may be a constant, or there may be continual feelings of hopelessness and sadness.  The child may withdraw socially for an extended period of time.  Nothing may seem to distract or cheer him up.  Appetite and sleep patterns can also change.  One distinguishing pattern with eating is that grief stricken people tend to lose their appetite, where depressed people may actually resort to over eating.

Dangers of Depression
For the child who is truly suffering from depression, grief may trigger a major episode.  In older kids watch out for drug and alcohol abuse and suicidal behavior.  If suicide is a concern, watch for withdrawal, flat emotions, increased acting out behavior or sexual behavior, and morbid themes.  If there is any suspicion that your child suffers from depression, seek medical help as soon as possible.

Bipolar disorder will likely not be diagnosed until a child is in the late teenage years.  Until that point, behavior problems may have been a frustrating mystery.  They may have caused such strife for parents that divorce was the outcome.  These kids may feel deeply responsible for the problems in the family.  They are self-focused, so even though it isn’t their intention, they may seem ungrateful or selfish.  When a death occurs and the bipolar teen is hit with a load of grief, symptoms will escalate to a crisis level.

Make sure that a kid experiencing grief and bipolar disorder is taking his medications regularly.  In fact, be the one to administer the medicines to guarantee it’s happening.  Keep the child away from drugs and alcohol as much as possible.  You can’t be the 24 hour keeper, but you can tighten the boundaries for awhile until things stabilize.  Make time to talk with this child, no matter how dramatic, abusive and difficult he may be.  Remember that he doesn’t have the same control over his emotions as a normal person.

Never be afraid to seek psychiatric help if the grief and bi polar disorder seem too profound for you to deal with on your own.  Whether it’s a psychologist or whether you feel your child would be safest if he was hospitalized, the goal is to keep him safe and healthy while helping him deal with the normal feelings of grief in an abnormal situation.

If other family members or the parent’s doctor knows that the illness is terminal, then it is highly advised that hospice be brought in to help care for the parent.  This does not mean that the sick person will be removed from the home.  In fact, hospice’s goal will be to keep the client at home surrounded by his loved ones.

If hospice determines that the situation is safe, they will not ask the child to stop with caregiving duties.  However, they will provide the expert level of support that the young family member will need.  The hospice staff will show the child how to do the daily care properly and safely.  They’ll make sure the youngster has hospice phone numbers for any emergencies or questions.

The hospice team will also start a pre-bereavement protocol with the child.  They will explain the dying process and particular situations as they relate to the parent’s disease.  They will continually assess whether the young person can handle the situation.  They’ll also monitor the emotional state of the terminally ill parent.  If at all possible, they will not leave the child alone during the actual death.  Regardless of whether the child is present or not, the hospice will make sure he or she is as prepared as possible.

After the death, the hospice will constantly contact and monitor the young caregiver to support all grief needs.   Family members need to praise the child’s good work before and after the death.  A teenager taking on adult tasks of this magnitude is extraordinary.

With all children, make sure there is an open, safe place for them to talk and ask questions.  With smaller kids, the questions will be very literal.  They may even want the gory details.  Their minds are very visual and concrete, so they’ll seek out information that makes sense at their stage of development.  With this age group, keep answers brief and simple.  They simply cannot process more.

Teenagers will need a different type of support.  High schools will often employ extra counselors during a time of traumatic death.  Teenagers may feel like they need to be with their classmates all of the time.  They will have more spiritual questions.  They may talk about nothing but the dead person.  Depending on how the child died, the school may want to set up some specific programming to address the subject.  Many teenagers die in alcohol related accidents, drug overdoses and suicide.  Each of these deaths carries a different stigma that has to be addressed.

Mostly, the children need to know that the death is not their fault, it is not a type of punishment, and whatever they are feeling is natural.  Teachers shouldn’t be afraid to let the kids see their grief.  Kids need to know that their leaders feel sorrow and therefore truly understand the grief they are feeling.  For a day or so, schools may want to offer a time and space for a grief support group where older kids can process the death with each other in a healthy environment.

If a loved  one dies, help your children gather up things that remind them of that person.  Maybe it’s a favorite fishing lure or a ribbon or picture.  Also help the children pick out things to paste onto their memory box.  The box can be anything.  A shoe box would work great, but some folks may get elaborate and make wooden boxes.  This could be a great activity for a grieving dad or the family craftsman.

Help your children decorate their boxes with stickers, markers, little notes and even pictures of their loved one.  Encourage them to explain why they are decorating the box in a certain manner.  Share fun memories together as you work.  Also, be OK if the child tells you he used red stickers because he likes red.  His choices may not always have anything to do with the deceased loved one.

Once the boxes are decorated, help the children fill them with their mementos.  They can add little notes and drawings, too.  Anything they want to put in the box is fine.  Again, encourage discussion about each object.  This is a safe and gentle way to dig into the conversation about the death.  You can share your memories and grief, too.  Make your own memory box, and have your children help you.

Now, put your boxes away for safe keeping, and remind your grieving children that they can open them whenever they are missing the person that has died.

There are many situations in life that can be traumatic for children because children are much more sensitive than adults are. This is why, if your child has been though any situation that has dramatically changed his or her life, it’s best for you to seek the help of a qualified child psychologist. Some examples of situations where child psychologists can help include when children have experienced the loss of a parent, friend or relative, been put through a divorce, had to relocate due to a parent’s new job and any other situation that has directly impacted the child. Below are a few tips to help you find the right child psychologist.

The first thing you need to do when searching for a child psychologist is to get a list of all of the area psychologists who specialize in children. You can do this by using services such as Canada 411 and typing in “child psychologist” in the search box. Once you have done this, the next thing you can do is call up your child’s school and ask whether or not they offer any type of child counseling services. Sometimes public schools have very good counselors who can help children just as well as a child psychologist – at a fraction of the cost, and sometimes for free.

After you’ve gotten a comprehensive list of available child psychologists, then you need to schedule appointments with those that you’re interested in. It’s important that you interview these professionals to make sure that you find the one who will be able to help your child. During the interview, you should ask about the techniques they use, will they keep you updated on your child’s progress and will they provide you with ways you can help your child while at home. Finding a child psychologist can be hard, but both you and your child will benefit greatly from it after difficult situations occur.

Many children already have some concept of what it means to die.  They see dead bugs, birds and animals on the road.  However, to them, dead doesn’t mean that thing won’t get up and walk away at some point.  Preschoolers don’t realize that a dead person no longer talks, eats, sleeps or anything else.  When we tell a child that Grandpa is in Heaven, then the child visualized Grandpa walking around up there and living his life.  That can be disturbing.  Therefore, we have to explain what dead is.   We have to let the child know that the person’s body will not wake up.  It won’t need to eat or sleep anymore.

Some of the things we say to children will frighten them.  For preschoolers who are experiencing grief, the well meaning statement that God took Grandpa because he was so good might scare the child into thinking he’ll be next.  Children are very literal.  Be careful how you explain the situation.

Also, don’t be afraid to grieve around your child.  They need to know that grown ups cry, too.  They need to know it is OK to be sad.  You can be honest with the child, and let him know that you really miss Grandpa, too.  Also be prepared for the preschooler to grieve in strange ways.  They may play dead.  They may revert to baby talk and bed wetting.  These are all normal signs of grief for the preschool age group.

Never be afraid to talk to a child about death, even when it’s not happening near the child.  The better prepared he is for the possibility, the easier it is for everyone.

Whenever a person dies, food arrives in the home in massive quantities.  It’s needed and well meaning.  No one who just lost a loved one feels like cooking, and they certainly don’t feel like eating.  This goes for children who are grieving.  It’s so common for a parent or adult figure in a child’s life to use food to make the kid feel better.  Whether it’s a trip out for ice cream or a cookie at home, food is used to solve the problem.  In a time of loss, you’ll find yourself encouraging that kid to eat some of that food without even thinking about it.

The problem with this strategy is that it becomes an ingrained behavior.  The youth learns that expressing grief through overeating is OK.  In fact, food will be the cure for all emotional lows.  From a health standpoint, all of that food is neither taking care of the emotional issues that accompany grief, and it’s not helping the physical health of the bereaved.  It encourages obesity because it becomes the norm when dealing with tough times.

If you notice that a grieving child is eating too much, try to distract him from all of that food.  He may need some distracting activities, such as hanging out with friends, going to movies, or playing games.  Maybe a good walk with a quality conversation would help.  Of course, talking with the child is the best course of action.  Make sure he knows that you are safe to talk to, that you will listen and support his feelings, and that all thoughts and emotions are natural and OK to have.

If a child begins to cut after a death or significant loss, it’s good to acknowledge that there is a massive build up of emotions and unresolved feelings within the child.  People are always looking for ways to get that emotional pressure out of their bodies and psyches.  For some people, they push it down with food.  This is a learned response from childhood when a person was given a cookie to ease some emotional trauma.  The behavior was learned.

In the case of cutting, it could be that the overwhelming feeling is guilt. If the teenager was blamed for bad things and then severely punished or emotionally abused, it could be that the cutting and grief become intertwined as the youth attempts to punish the pain out of his or her body.

It’s probably not a good idea to scold a cutter.  Start with making sure the teenager knows that the death was not his or her fault, and that he or she is still loved as much as when that person was alive.  Their feelings need to be discussed in a manner that makes the teen feel safe and validated.  As the young person begins to see his or her own correlation between loss and pain, the cutting should also begin to disappear from the grieving process.

Facebook immediately becomes the place where friends can reach out and offer words of comfort.  For children, it is much easier to express condolences via Facebook than a telephone call.  Death is a new concept to young people, and they truly do not know what to talk about, much less handle the pain a friend is experiencing.  In fact, depending on the death, it may be somewhat traumatic to the bereaved’s friends, too.

The child who has suffered the loss can upload pictures that represent good memories they had of the deceased person.  This can be a very therapeutic part of the grieving process.  The notes section of Facebook allows the child to write essays and stories that can be immediately shared with friends.

There is one thing for adults in the grieving child’s life to look out for with Facebook and grief.  That is where the death takes on a secondary benefit for the people who are posting.  Some kids may feel like the comments they are receiving are inappropriate.  For instance, a relative stranger may start to gush about the death and how it makes them feel.  That’s what it’s about. How it make that person feel, not supporting the child in grief.  A parent may want to gain access to this Facebook account and make sure inappropriate comments are deleted.

The simplest and most obvious answer for why children suck their thumb is that it is a reflex their born with so that they can successfully breast feed.  Some babies start sucking a thumb while still in the womb.  At about four months old, the sucking reflex goes away.  However, the thumb sucking will likely persist because it’s become a habit and a comfort measure.  Children will continue to do it well past toddler times in many cases.  In other cases, they just naturally stop sucking their thumb.  There’s always a preferred thumb, just like there’s a preferred hand for writing.

Since thumb sucking is a comfort habit, a child may be prone to doing it when he or she feels anxiety or fear.  They’ll look for something to soothe them, and the thumb is the most convenient object.  If you think this is why your child continues to suck his thumb, you may try to direct him to some other comfort measure to help with fear or anxiety. At any rate, the habit will probably go away by itself by the age of 4 or 5.

Once the child starts school, they’ll probably be self-conscious enough to try not to do it.  Some kids don’t seem to care, or that thumb still creeps into the mouth at bedtime.  Once again, the child needs to have positive reinforcement to stop the behavior.  Most dentists and pediatricians don’t recommend putting hot sauce or bitter ointments on the thumb.  If it keeps up, let a dentist talk to your child about the possible long term effects of thumb sucking.

Before your child has a chance to produce poor grades, make sure that you are monitoring their work.  Also, talk with teachers to find out how your child is behaving in class.  School work and grief may be more than grades.  Your child might be withdrawing from their usual school activities, like hanging out with friends or participating in class discussion.  The student may become disruptive.  All of these things will affect how they learn.

Make sure that counselors and school officials are aware of the death.  They can help support your child through this tough time.  Although kids think the teacher is just there to discipline and teach, it could be a favorite teacher who becomes a confidant to distressing feelings.  Any positive adult is a plus in the bereavement process.

Be prepared to help with homework to make sure that grief does not keep assignments from getting done.  Not only will you be helping your child keep grades good, you’ll be participating in intimate time together that can lead to healthy discussion about the death.  Encourage your child to journal or write about the loss, if the assignment allows.  Try to make the loss a celebration as the child shares the history of their relationship with the loved one.  On a more disciplined note, it may be that you just have to keep reminding your child to stick to the studies and get them done.  But also allow time for bereavement.

Preschoolers
Preschoolers have a very limited understanding of death, if any understanding at all.  When a person is no longer around, they will constantly ask where they are.  If you tell them the loved one has “gone to live with Jesus,” then the  preschooler will literally think that the  deceased is living at Jesus’ house.  If you tell them the person isn’t coming back, it will be distressing, so when you do, make sure you reassure the child that God or Jesus is taking care of the person who died and the child,  too.

Elementary
Elementary age kids are starting to form some real understanding of death.  They may get it that  death is a permanent thing, but the concept may still be murky in their minds.  Therefore, the loss will be more profound than in younger kids.  They may be clingy, whiny and even revert back to bed wetting or thumb sucking.  Make sure these  kids are getting loving attention.  They are feeling a confusing insecurity, and they are aware of the adult grief around them.  There are often kid grief camps for this age group.

Teens
This is the magical age when death is a full blown, completely understood concept.  The first death for a teenager is a really big one.  They will be devastated, so be ready for some serious emotional outbursts and pain.  If you are not able to support this kind of grief, due to your own, find a family member who can.  Teen support groups are a great help, too.  Make sure  you also keep a close watch on children who are away at college.

To take preventative measure to guarantee a teenager’s grief is supported, look for teen support groups in your area.  A teen may feel more comfortable talking with peers than family members.  If none are available, make sure the child is keeping contact with close friends.  Give kids credit for being able to support one another.  A grieving teen may benefit from getting away from the family grief and expressing emotions within his or her own age group.

Encourage your teenager to journal.  Writing down is are a great way to work through tough emotions.  At a later date, reviewing those early feelings may help the young person  to identify problematic trends in their  bereavement process.  If your child has an artistic flare, encourage them to create artwork that speaks to their grief.  Music is also a powerful tool when dealing with tough emotions.

In some cases, a grieving teen will benefit from professional counseling.  If you are aware of any existing issues, such as drug  use, it might be a good idea to start counseling anyway as a precautionary measure.  If religion is important, make sure clergy is involved.  Just make sure that the religious message in no way puts guilt or unreasonable feelings on the grieving teen.  It is well understood in the professional world of grief support that messages like, “It’s God’s will” are the wrong thing to say.  If the religious message in any way sounds unfair, it can alienate the teen from his or her spirituality when it’s needed most.

As the adults in the household work through their own grief, they may not realize how much their children are going through.  Furthermore, the children are picking up on the stress and pain in the house.  Children may withdraw from friends and family.  They may start to perform poorly in school, and they may act out.  It’s tempting to demand they stop “acting like a baby,” but kids don’t know how to express this strange set of feelings they’re having.  Some major insecurity is probably starting set in.  Some kids will even go back to baby like problems.

If your grieving child starts to wet the bed, reassure him that it’s O.K. and that you understand they are sad, lonely and scared.  Do not scold the child.  This is the last thing a bereaved kid needs.  It’s pretty embarrassing when you wet the bed after you’re potty trained.  If thumb sucking comes back, give it some real consideration.  Kids suck their thumbs in the first place as a security action.  If the behavior re-appears, then guess what?  Fear and insecurity are setting in.

If you don’t have the emotional strength to truly support your children, ask parents or aunts and uncles who are close to the child to step in and help.  The little one really needs love and attention.  He needs someone to patiently answer his questions and be honest with him.  He needs to know that Mommy is hurting, too.  Mostly, he needs to know that he is still loved and he will not be abandoned.

You’ll need to find a carpenter volunteer to make the drum frames, but once that’s done, these expressive toys are a great tool for working with different levels of emotion.  A carpenter should cut one by three boards in one foot strips.  Then make a simple box frame out of the strips.  The kids will do the rest.

First ask the children to gather objects that represent their feelings towards the person who died.  Craft stores have lots of glitters, confetti, tiny figures, and other small bright objects that can go inside the drum.  The children may want to paint their drum frames, too.  They can even write messages on the frame.

Now take clear packing tape and run strips tightly across one side of the frame, like a drum head.  The children can now place their items in the frame.  Ask them to talk about what they are creating and why.  The creative expression in the drum making should help with grief and understanding about death and loss.  Once the drums are filled, take the clear tape and tightly wrap it around the drum frame so that it is tight on both sides.

You can now take one foot, small dow rods and put a two or three inch Styrofoam ball on one end.  Wrap it with bright material and tape.  The drum is complete and ready to go!  It’s time to assign different feelings to different rhythms and beats.  Let the children choose them, demonstrate them and explain them.  In fact, arrange all the beats into a single song.

Start a Savings Account. Many families do not have a savings account. It is important that you try to place money into the savings account as often as possible. Many families will place money directly from their paycheck into a savings account. It’s a great way to build up an emergency fund should something happen.

Track Spending. It’s amazing how fast money is spent. Try to create a tracking system that allows you to write down everything that you spend money on. You will be able to see where the money is going and places where you can cut expenses. A tracking system is also a great way for people to be accountable for what they are spending money on and can help a family save.

Backup Plans. Even with all the savings in the world, emergencies can still pop out of nowhere. It is usually these emergencies that end up putting a family back financially. It is important that you have a backup plan should something come up and you need money. Some great backup plans include cash advances from credit cards or using the payday loan services at places like GreatPlainsLending.

Getting your family back onto solid ground when it comes to their financial system won’t happen overnight. It will take a little bit of planning and self discipline but it is possible. Follow some of these tips and you’ll be able to reach your new year’s goals in no time.

The first thing to know is that age has lot to do with how children grieve.  A four year old expect the dead person to come back.  They have no idea the loss is permanent.  Therefore pre-school kids may constantly ask when grandpa is coming home.  They may want to know why he left.  As the children age, they’ll understand the loss is permanent, but they may not realize what it means to die.  However, at this stage, grieving children may become extremely insecure.  Their behaviors may be clinging, whiny and annoying.  If there is a close adult, such as a parent, who is having real difficulty with the grief process, then the irritating kid could be even more insecure.

Children need to know that the world around them is secure.  The sudden absence of a significant adult in their life sends them into very unfamiliar emotional territory.  They’ll cope however they can.  It could be that they think bad behavior will make up for the attention they perceive they’ll no longer get.  Negative attention is better than none. Some kids revert back to wetting the bed.  Teenagers may become withdrawn and may start to engage in dangerous behavior such as drug use or alcohol abuse.

Whatever the grieving children do to cope, it is extremely important for the the adults to be prepared to spend the extra time the child needs to process the loss at his or her emotional maturity level.

Some grief camps for children will include an overnight stay, but more often the camp will be a day camp where parents can drop the child off for six to eight hours.  Sometimes, these camps will also hold support groups for adult family members in tandem with the children’s activities. Typically, the camps don’t specify whether the loss is that of a sibling, parent, grandparent or other individual.  They are simply available to help the children learn to cope with the scary concept of death.

Activities are usually done in small groups.  Children may make memory boxes that can be decorated and used to store mementos that remind them of the their loved one.  They may create journals with pictures, poems and stickers to help them process the grief they are experiencing.  There is a counselor assigned to each group, and that person talks with the kids and helps them process their grief as they create their crafts.

Games such as emotional bingo may be played.  If a child doesn’t know what an emotion means, he or she can learn about it.  If they have an emotion and it gets called out, the child can be encouraged to give examples of how they feel that emotion.  Along with games that help the kids process, there’s always time for running and playing.  Each group might compete with each other in races or other games.  Lunch and snacks are also shared so that the children have unstructured opportunities to open up and learn to trust others with the uncertainty and loss.

Many grief counselors teach children coping skills to help them deal with their grief. While these skills do not eliminate grief, they help a child understand how to deal with feelings that arise. For example, a child who begins to feel angry about a death can stop and write a letter to the deceased or to God to get their feelings out without shouting or hurting anyone.

Another coping skill that children often learn in grief counseling is called story telling. When grieving children feel a wave of sadness rush over them, it is often helpful for the child to share a story with others of a happy time with that person.

The most important thing a grief counselor can do, is make sure that the child who is grieving does not feel any responsibility for the death over which they are grieving. Children need to understand that it is okay to not be able to control everything, and that this there was nothing that they could do to prevent this death nor to bring the person they are missing back to them.

Prayer can be another important coping skill that covers a wide range of grief-related emotions. Sadness, anger, questioning, and many other emotions can be sent to Heaven in a prayer. This also helps the grieving child understand that he or she is not in control of the world and when they need help, it is best to call on someone.

It is also helpful to make sure that children who are talking through their grief understand how to have boundaries. They need to know who they can talk to. This could include a teacher, counselor, parent, clergy member, etc.

They also need to know that it might not be okay to talk to some people. A younger sibling or friend might not be as ready to handle things the way he or she is. This can cause confusion and fear in the younger child. Sharing too much information with a seemingly understanding stranger can cause a child to be putting him or herself in harms way if the stranger uses the confidences and weaknesses of the child to take advantage of him or her in some way.

Most importantly, never give a grieving child the impression that the grief should be kept inside or bottled up. Letting them know that there are times and places where sharing too much may be inappropriate, but that there are many times when it is safe and healthy to share their thoughts and their feelings.

Suppressed feelings turn to anger, rage, and depression. It is much better to take the time to deal with the feelings of grief now than it to have to deal with the outward manifestations of the rage or depression in the future as these are much harder to deal with than grief itself.

There are two main types of music therapy for grief. The first involves the actual playing of soothing music. Music has long been known to help calm children and help with the stress and anxiety that come with grief. Playing the soothing music on a regular basis, at bed times, and sometimes even keeping it with them on an mp3 player is one way that this type of therapy can help. It is all about soothing the child’s fear and anxieties concerning the death of a loved one.

The second type of music therapy involves the creation of music and using music in a group setting to help the children get out their feelings concerning the person they have lost. Children can write songs in honor of the person he or she has lost.

Young children can also play instruments along with others in the group while singing about their feelings. In this instance it helps the others in the group that the child is getting used to sharing feelings and letting others share their feelings as well.

The most important part of any type of therapy, music therapy included, is helping the child who is grieving to understand that it is not only okay to share his or her feelings about the person that he or she has lost, but it is healthy to do so.

Music can be used in many different ways as therapy for grieving children. The power of soothing music has been used for centuries, and if it helps a child process hard to deal with feelings, then it should not be overlooked as a therapeutic option.

Children have to be given the time and space they need to get on with their lives. Often, well-meaning people make comments that are hurtful to those who are grieving. Here are a few things that should never be said to a grieving child:

*It is time to get over this and get on with your life.
*You should be feeling better by now.
*I know how you feel.
*This was God’s will or God’s timing.
*Don’t cry.
*Things will be normal again soon.
*You just have to stop thinking/talking about him/her.

These things are so hurtful to someone who is already hurting. It makes them feel that the speaker is not only unsupportive, but also insensitive. These statements are almost worse than avoiding the grieving child or ignoring the situation completely.

There are many appropriate ways to show support to a child who has lost a loved one. Often, just talking about the person who has died can make a grieving person feel better. Grieving children love to know that people still think about their loved one, and hearing stories about that person can help ease feelings of loneliness. Any one of these statements can help.

*Do you need a hug?
*Do you want to talk about him/her?
*I remember one great time we had together…
*I have never been through this, but I want help. Please tell me what I can do for you.
*I love you.

Talking in general is the most important part of the bereavement process. Children need to know that their feelings are not only okay, but they are normal.

Grief is the term that covers all of the actions that one goes through physically, emotionally, and mentally when coming through the death of a loved one. These can include difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, anxiety, crying, seeing and hearing a loved one who really isn’t there, anger, and fear, among a long list of other grief symptoms.

Mourning is the set of rituals that people go through to help them through their grief. These are things that have been deemed ‘socially acceptable’ when it comes to how and when shows their feelings about the loss of a loved one. It is important to understand the difference between these as a child who is grieving can gain a small bit of control over his or her grief by being able to show the grief within these rituals.

If mourning is successful, the end result is that the child can one day think of the person who is gone without falling apart emotionally or triggering a wave of grief. Grief should surface less and less over time.

Mourning, however, can go on forever. Letting a child speak at a funeral, visit a grave, donate or volunteer for a charity that has a connection to the event that took their loved one, and writing a story or a poem are all ways to mourn.

All of the things that one can do while mourning the loss of someone they love can be done in a positive way that will not only lessen the grief over time, but also keep the memory of the loved one alive.

When it comes to children who are dealing with grief, giving them the chance to make up a story this way can often turn into a therapy session as their caregiver listens patiently to the story and makes mental notes about subjects they should discuss with the child later.

For example, if a child is talking about a main character who is scared of the dark, the caregiver can later say something along the lines of, “Your character in the story was scared of the dark, but what are some ways he could have not been scared?” The important part of this is to make sure that the child is not interrupted while telling the story. If there is something important that someone wants to ask him or her, wait until the end.

Sometimes kids use their stories to explain how they are feeling without actually having to talk about themselves. So while Sarah may tell a story about a daddy who died in a plane crash and left a very sad billy behind, she may be just trying to communicate her own feelings from behind a safety wall. There may be no conversation necessary.

Consider the same story again and storyteller Sara. If, in her story, the daddy were to come back to life and everyone lived happily ever after this is a subject that should be addressed. The caregiver should make sure that Sara knows this can not happen using his/her own feelings. “I sure wish Billy’s daddy could come back, but we know that doesn’t happen in real life, right?”

We can learn a lot from a child’s stories.

A child who was not previously afraid of the dark, but begins to show fear can do so for a number of reasons. They may have watched a scary movie or played a video game that was not appropriate for their age level. Grief is another reason for a growing fear of the dark.

Fear of the dark is normal for younger children. Usually, children ages three to six experience a normal fear of the dark that gradually disappears. However, there can be deeper reason for the fears.

To many children the dark represents the unknown. As a child, when you can’t see what is there, your imagination makes up all sorts of things that could be there. Because they can not see what happens after their loved one has died, there is a strong parallel between the two.

Bed wetting sometimes surfaces with this fear of the dark as well. A child who is afraid of what might be under the bed, in the dark hall, or behind the shower curtain may choose to go back to sleep over venturing to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Even adults have trouble with understanding death. So, thinking a young child to handle death without any outward effects is expecting too much. Group therapy, individual counseling, and rarely medication are all ways that this fear can be treated. Usually, giving the child adequate time to talk about things they fear and work out their feelings about the one who has died is enough to to temper the child’s fear of the dark.

These five stages of grief are felt by children just as much as they are felt by adults. Unfortunately, because most children have no concept of these stages, there is nothing that they can do to label them. Letting children know that these stages are normal and universal can help them cope.

Due to the way the stages of grief ebb and flow constantly and briefly knock us off of our feet, they could easily be called the waves of grief. Symptoms of grief include the five stages as well as other things such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite, bouts of rage, and more. Caregivers need to understand that these are normal as well so that they can help the child get through the waves.

Some children hold on to these waves as they come through as a way to cling to the person that they have lost. Once the children know that they can let go of the waves or stages as they come and still hold onto a memory, they are more likely to be able to do so.

There often comes a day where someone who has been grieving heavily goes the entire day without shedding a tear for the loved one who has died. Upon realizing this has happened, people often feel extremely guilty that this took place at all.

Knowing the stages of grief and being able to help the child understand is important for any caregiver of a grieving child.

The stages of grief, as noted by psychologist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, have long been known as the universal stages of death. They are felt and dealt with just as much with adults as they are with children. Anyone who is dealing with a grieving child, should make a point to understand all of the stages and make note of how it has or will applied itself to the child who is being cared for.

The set of five stages begins with the stage, “Denial”. This stage is meant to help get us through the shock of what has happened to our friend of loved one. This is true for children as well. Knowing the horrible effects stress has on your body, your brain hears the bad news and says, “Don’t worry, it isn’t true.” like a broken record until the child is able to calmly take in all the information that he or she has been given.

While it is considered the first stage of grief, many people have noted that the stages and symptoms of grief do not come in any certain order. Just because a child seems to understand today, does not mean he won’t be crying for his mommy to hurry up and get home while denying that anything has happened to her tomorrow.

When a child is in denial, there is no reasoning with him or her. The child is likely scared and needs to be able to feel the denial and believe that his loved on is coming back to him. It is okay to explain the truth to the child, but do not expect it to make an impact on him or her right away. He or she likely has a lot of emotional processing to do to get through this stage again.

When it is over, you can breathe a sigh of relief. However, be prepared that it may happen again.

When a child is dealing with anger in his or her grief, he or she may become physically violent. If this happens, it is important that the child knows that being angry in the situation that they are in is normal and okay, but it is not normal nor is it okay to cause a scene in public or to physically attack anyone. Having a pre-determined way to act upon the child’s anger can help in these situations. For example, a child may have a special corner in his or her house where they can punch and yell into pillows when they are angry.

For children of families who are religious, there is often a backlash against God in times of anger. Children are like adults in the fact that they want to know why things happen. When they can not get the answer they are looking for, anger can flare up.

Rebelling against authority figures is a part of the anger process. Everything a child believes about the world’s goodness comes into question when a loved one dies. Because of this, children can become skeptical and angry about people who they normally look up to. They often do not understand why an adult who, before the death, seemed to control everything, now seems to be just as helpless as they are.

Anger that goes unchecked can flare into fits of rage that cause emotional and physical damage to anyone around the child experiencing it. Seeing a counselor who is trained in grief therapy for children would definitely be recommended.

A child who is bargaining may tell God that if their family member could just come back they promise never to be mean to him or her again. Sometimes they promise to devote their lives to God’s work in exchange for that life back.

While the child is obviously grieving over the loss of the person who they loved, they are also grieving over the loss of the life that they used to have before the death. Whether it was something as simple as playing with a best friend every day after school or something as complex as having to move to a new house after a parent dies, children long for the life that they had just as much as they long for the person who died.

Bargaining is normal and it shows that a child understands that he or she really has no control of the situation. The best way to help a child in this stage is to help him or her find ways to gain some control over their grief through the mourning process.

A child who has lost a best friend can not control that the friend and the life they had before is gone. They can control volunteering for a charity that their friend would have loved. They can control shoveling snow or raking leaves for the friend’s parents. Any activity that helps the child feel like they have some control over their own feelings and life is good for the child to participate in.

While bargaining can never bring a loved one back, it is always going to be a part of normal grieving. Children need to be allowed to go through and process all stages of grief to bring some type of eventual healing.

Depression comes in many forms, but can include loss of appetite, loss of sleep, inability to focus, and a feeling of living in a fog. Children deal with these symptoms just as often as adults. Unfortunately, they often lack the words to explain how they are feeling and must rely on the adults around them to know.

Depression over the death of someone they love is normal. It is not typically something that needs medication. However, should a child show any signs that he or she may be suicidal, immediate intervention is necessary.

A child who says things about wanting to go live with the deceased loved one or talks about how they can not wait to get to Heaven may be dealing with these issues. A child who stops talking about what they want to be when they grow up or making plans for very far into the future may be planning, or at least hoping, for a situation that leads them to the place where they believe their loved one is now.

Grief counselors are often well-trained to pick out this line of thinking. If a caregiver is worried that a child might be considering harming himself or herself, a counselor is a very good idea of someone that can be added to a grieving child’s team of people who are not only routing for him or her, but also looking out for the child’s best interest.

The important thing is that a child knows that any emotion they are enduring is normal and okay to deal with. Families are there to take care of each other.

Most children never feel okay about the loss of someone they loved dearly. Children can not ever be expected to shrug and say, “I am over it.” when someone brings up the loss.

Acceptance is about the child understanding fully that they had no control over the situation. A child who accepts the death of a loved one may finally come to the place where he or she realizes that nothing that they can do will change their daily reality.

In a young child, acceptance just means that they no longer yell out for a lost parent or sibling in the middle of the night. They no longer ask to buy an extra Christmas gift for that person “just in case.”

It is important that caregivers watch to make sure that children who have entered this stage are not trying to fill the hole left inside them with outside things. For example, a younger child may ask strangers or friends of the family to “be my new mommy” while a teenager may seek out unhealthy relationships to make him or herself feel better about accepting the permanence of their situation.

All in all, acceptance may just end up, for some children, to mean that they begin having more good days than bad days. While it should never be confused with happiness or contentment surrounding the situation, it can also be a time where caregivers take a deep breath and remind themselves that they are doing the best job that they can.

Write. The child can write stories of memories that he or she had with the loved one. Thanks to the modern day miracle of self-publishing, children who write enough stories and make some accompanying pictures can even have the book bound to read for themselves or to share with others in the future.

Volunteer. If the person who died had a charity that he or she loved, or died of a disease that charities related to it (Cancer Society, Heart Association, etc.) some healing can come from volunteering to help those charities. While this may mean helping to serve in the soup kitchen where the loved one once served, it can also mean participating in a fundraiser for a related organization.

Donate. While donating money to an organization the loved one cared about can be special, for a child the donation of something concrete can help make sure the name of the loved one is remembered. For example, many city parks will let families donate a bench with an engraved plaque to the city park. Placed along a walking path, people will see the name daily when they take a break for a few minutes to sit on the bench. In addition, a bench like this gives the child a place to go to think about the person who has died without actually going to a cemetery.

Live well. For children of religious families, knowing that a loved one is watching from Heaven can be very inspiring. Remind them that they are being guarded and watched over on a daily basis and that it makes their loved ones smile to know that the child is living a happy life.

Grief is defined as a reaction to a major loss in one’s life. A child who changes schools mid-school year may be grieving over the loss of friends and routine from the old school and neighborhood. Maybe a child has a favorite sport that is no longer being played as part of a city league. While adults would think that sadness over this event can not be called grief, children often do not understand how to differentiate between different types of grief.

In many cases, advice that is given for grief over the loss of someone that is loved can be modified to work for children who are grieving over other things. To children who have never lost a loved one, moving to a new school, parents divorcing, or being unable to participate in an activity they once loved are all just as powerful and painful s losing someone they love.

Children who have lost a loved one know that the pain is different and much worse than anyone on the outside can imagine, but children who have not had to deal with that do not understand are typically unable to consider the difference.

Children who are grieving things other than the loss of a loved one may benefit from being placed in new activities. Building new friendships, finding a new sport to play, and finding ways to occupy time with things other than thinking about what is missing can really help pull a child out of a slump.

While these things can help those grieving over a death as well, it is good not to push a child under these circumstances. They will most likely search out activity when they are ready.

While many people believe that the purpose of grief counseling is to help someone “get over” the loss of a loved one, that can not be further from the truth. In reality, grief therapy or grief counseling is meant to help those who are suffering from the loss of a loved one and help that person make choices in their life that eventually show the ability to reflect positively on the loved one with memories of happy times and less pain.

Many grief counselors teach children coping skills to help them deal with their grief. While these skills do not eliminate grief, they help a child understand how to deal with feelings that arise. For example, a child who begins to feel angry about a death can stop and write a letter to the deceased or to God to get their feelings out without shouting or hurting anyone.

Another coping skill that children often learn in grief counseling is called story telling. When grieving children feel a wave of sadness rush over them, it is often helpful for the child to share a story with others of a happy time with that person.

The most important thing a grief counselor can do, is make sure that the child who is grieving does not feel any responsibility for the death over which they are grieving. Children need to understand that it is okay to not be able to control everything, and that this there was nothing that they could do to prevent this death nor to bring the person they are missing back to them.

Prayer can be another important coping skill that covers a wide range of grief-related emotions. Sadness, anger, questioning, and many other emotions can be sent to Heaven in a prayer. This also helps the grieving child understand that he or she is not in control of the world and when they need help, it is best to call on someone.

Traumatic grief has many of the same symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It can interfere with the child’s ability to deal with day to day events such as going to school or allowing caregivers out of their sight. Children may develop an inability to show grief and to mourn in a way that helps them heal, thus leaving the child open to continued hurting.

Symptoms of Traumatic Grief can include a constant replying of a video in the child’s mind of the person’s death. Whether the child witnessed the death or not, daily thoughts and nightmares can cause such a disruption to a child’s life the even imagining details can be scary. Children can also relive the moments in their mind as if they were there and dream about ways the loved one could have been saved. This can cause even more grief as a child has trouble remembering that, in reality, there is nothing he or she could have done.

Children who avoid grieving altogether may also be suffering from Traumatic Grief. A child needs to know that it is okay to talk about the deceased, look at photographs, and feel the feelings that are inside. Numbness may feel better than pain, but is not a way to live.

Children and teens who are experiencing intense changes in their daily feelings and actions may also be suffering from Traumatic Grief. Jumpiness, inability to sleep or eat, development of new fears, irritability, and emotional numbness that go one for long periods of time without relenting are all signs that your child may have serious problems surrounding their loved one’s death and may need to see a counselor.

Children often explain this guilt in terms of why a loved one should have lived instead of them. For example, a child or young teen may think, “She was so talented at playing the piano. I can not play at all. If she had lived she would be playing in that concert next week.”

There are two ways to combat this type of thinking. First, children who are dealing with this may benefit from hearing again and again how special they are and all the ways that their life matters. Children, just like adults, need to know that they have a purpose in life. It can help them to feel that they are still here for a reason.

Secondly, if a child is wondering why someone who had potential died instead of themselves, it can be pointed out to the child that this is their chance to live in the loved one’s memories and potential. So the loved one was a great singer and had a chance to make it on American Idol next year? A grieving child who also sings well should go try out this year. Using the memory of someone who always chased their dreams can help boost the attitude and potential of those who are left behind.

Parents often experience survivor’s guilt as well, and it is important to keep that from the children. When two mothers of children with cancer become friends and one loses a child while the other survives, it can be hard for the mother of the survivor to face her friend. It is important not to drag the children into this grief as it can cause more anxieties within them about their eventual fate.

Working together on the funeral may be helpful for some families. However, funerals are often so soon after the death of a loved one that some are physically and emotionally unable to contribute in a meaningful way.

Having an anniversary celebration on the birthday of the loved one can be a family ritual. Each family member can come with memories of the one who has died and share them with others. This can take place at the loved one’s favorite restaurant or over the loved one’s favorite dish.

One example is a family that has a “paddle out” ceremony on the birthday of a loved one every year. The family meets at the beach, climbs onto their surfboards, and paddles out just beyond the breaking waves. They then throw leis into water and sing a few songs that the child loved before jumping on their boards and surfing back in.

Another way a family can mourn together is to take up a cause together. This can be something the person who has died loved such as the local animal shelter, or it can be a group that had to do with the loved one’s death. This could be a fundraiser for the National Suicide Hotline, a blood drive for the National Blood and Marrow Foundation, a toy drive in the memory of a child, or even a fundraiser to create a scholarship in the name of the loved one.

These ideas are just examples of way that families can mourn together in a positive way, keep the memory of their loved on alive, and stay close as a family.

First of all, the child needs to know that this is an event that only happens once. Funerals, for the most part, are not video taped. If the child thinks they will ever have wished they had participated, they should do it now as there will never be another chance.

Secondly, families need to stick together. When a parent of one family committed suicide, the oldest child did not want to attend services. Knowing that his mom might need a hug or his sisters might need a shoulder to lean on was enough to make him consider attending.

This same child’s decision was made final when the events surrounding the funeral were explained to him by his aunt who had lost loved ones before. When she explained to him that a big part of a funeral and the dinner afterward is talking about the person who is gone and sharing stories about their life, he began thinking of experiences he had with his step-father that he wanted to share with others that might make them smile.

His final decision was made just before the funeral while sitting outside the church doors. When someone commented, “Did you know that Frank used to be a boy scout like you?” The child turned to a family friend and said, “I need to hear more stories about him” and went inside.

Framing the funeral in a way that will show the child what he or she is missing may help keep a child decide on his own that he needs to be there.

The death of any close loved one can be traumatic for a child whether the death was unexpected or came after a long illness. However, the death of a sibling can cause a deep wound in a child or teen that is very difficult to bear.

Because all families have different dynamics and relationships with each other, finding the right way to help a child deal with the loss of a sibling can be difficult. The guilty feelings over different matters are often evident. These reactions are common and have ways to deal with them.

Survivors guilt can be extremely crippling when the loved one who died is a sibling. When the surviving child feels that they are somehow less deserving of life than the sibling who has died, it can cause pain and confusion. Parents of these children need to let them know that they deserve to be alive just as much as any other person. Confirm in them that they are unique, special, and just as important as the sibling who has died. Parents also need to make sure that friends and family members do not compare the deceased sibling with the one who survived. Sometimes they just do not understand how hurtful they can be.

A surviving sibling may also be upset when recalling past fights or disagreements with a sibling who has died. They need to understand that these things are normal between siblings. In fact, the closer two siblings are, the more they tend to fight. The surviving child needs to understand exactly what caused the death of their sibling. They need to know that there is no possible way that mean thoughts or feelings caused the death.

They also need to know, in a way that follows the family’s religious beliefs, that the child who has died no longer harbors any ill will or hard feelings. Siblings should know that the only feeling that lingers after death is love.